Quote:
Originally Posted by mixednuts
Most of us are 'victims of victims" as Louise Hay says. Her book You Can Heal Your Life helped me me through some rough times.
I know what it's like when parents switch the script on you all the time. It leaves you confused and frustrated and I think it is done to make you feel powerless. They don't know how to be empowering or they are afraid of empowering you because no one did it for them. If you reflect on, or get them talking about, how their parents treated them, you might gain some insight.
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Thanks for the recommendation, but that won't work with my mother. To me, seeing her as a victim lets her off the hook, and I refuse to exculpate unrepentant abusers. I'm a huge believer in personal responsibility. I notice that some abusers love to play the victim card as a way to take advantage of others. She's one of them, like how she uses the company she worked for (and hated) as an excuse to mistreat me. Plus, she wasn't raised by her parents, but her grandmother because she and her half-siblings were orphans, and I was disgusted about what I learned about her, but she sees her as a saint. She will never say anything bad about her even though she died 25 years ago.
I will never do that. I've been hurt by her and bullied a lot in school, but I don't go around seeking scapegoats to take my pain out on, and blame them for not understanding me. Even if abused people can't change how their were raised in their home environments, it's up to them to stop the cycle as adults. One way I'm doing that is to remain childless because a child shouldn't have a mother who's still is unsure of herself at times, and it's a way of keeping my family from manipulating me through my son or daughter. Another way I'm healing is living well since that is the best "revenge".
09-24-2015, 05:26 PM
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