Another vent!!!

[*Lyndsey*]

I am so pissed!

My ex boy friendjust called my mother and told her he was getting a lawyer! Ok so heres the story as some of you ladies already know...

I have raised Josh since he was 2 years old BY MYSELF well including the help from Brandon(he is more a father than my ex boy friendwill ever be!). His father has been an a$$hole and been in and out of jail because he is an immature jerk off! I moved here to Ohio and he knew but then a few days after we left he went to jail for out running a cop on a motorcycle...I havent heard anything from him until about 6 months ago. He wants pictures and all this other kind of stuff. I told him I want a little help with HIS son! Meaning I want some child support! He just laughs at me and tells me hes working under the table...so child support cant find him. This is kind of mean of me but I told him I was going to send him pictures for xmas but never did...am I wrong for this??? I in a way feel bad but I dont! He has NEVER been there for his child! OH I am just so mad right nowI hope he gets a damn lawyer!!! From what I hear I have all rights in the state of Ohio...especially since he hasnt paid NO child support in his whole life! Im sorry girlsIt seems like everytime I post on here its a whine but you are very helpful in your support. Do you think I should just send him the pictures? Am I doing the right thing? UGH

[tenXmom]

In CA a father has the right to see his children regardless of child support status

I understand he hasn't been there for his kid but if he's trying and you blow him offyou could end up looking like the bad guy in your son's eyes someday

Ahh gotta love the Ex's. My ex is a big jerk off too BUT he is still Ricky and Ruben's dad. He hasn't done the things your ex has done but he has said some awful things to me and about the boys. However being the wonderful person I am, I send pictures to him and his parents and grandmother every single year. Yes I do get child support and even when he wasn't sending any I still sent the pictures and kept him informed. Sometimes I wouldn't bother because I could never find him or get ahold of him.

Sure let him get a lawyer, so if he has the money for an lawyer then he has the money for child support. Next time he says that tell him that. Keep a journal of his calls and little threats, make sure you write down the time he called as well.

Frankly I think he's blowing smoke out of his butt, but send him the picture that way when your child grows up he can't say YOUR mother never sent me pics or whatnot. Even though he still might say it but you can back it up with a good heart and know you did.

[*Lyndsey*]

Originally Posted by LilyG

Ahh gotta love the Ex's. My ex is a big jerk off too BUT he is still Ricky and Ruben's dad. He hasn't done the things your ex has done but he has said some awful things to me and about the boys. However being the wonderful person I am, I send pictures to him and his parents and grandmother every single year. Yes I do get child support and even when he wasn't sending any I still sent the pictures and kept him informed. Sometimes I wouldn't bother because I could never find him or get ahold of him.

Sure let him get a lawyer, so if he has the money for an lawyer then he has the money for child support. Next time he says that tell him that. Keep a journal of his calls and little threats, make sure you write down the time he called as well.

Frankly I think he's blowing smoke out of his butt, but send him the picture that way when your child grows up he can't say YOUR mother never sent me pics or whatnot. Even though he still might say it but you can back it up with a good heart and know you did.

Thanks Lily...you are right Iwill send him pictures. Actually I will send them out tomorrow. Brandon said the same thing to just send him some pictures. I am just so mad at him! He was like your ex you could neverget a hold of him.The only time he answered his phone was when it was good for him and when he wanted to see Josh.I just didnt think that was right. I dont know...

You know what really makes me mad! I have to send the pictures to his mothers house because he wont give me his. Because he is afraid I will give it to child support!Edited by: MySweetScents

[BarbC]

Originally Posted by MySweetScents

I am so pissed!

My ex boy friendjust called my mother and told her he was getting a lawyer! Ok so heres the story as some of you ladies already know...

I have raised Josh since he was 2 years old BY MYSELF well including the help from Brandon(he is more a father than my ex boy friendwill ever be!). His father has been an a$$hole and been in and out of jail because he is an immature jerk off! I moved here to Ohio and he knew but then a few days after we left he went to jail for out running a cop on a motorcycle...I havent heard anything from him until about 6 months ago. He wants pictures and all this other kind of stuff. I told him I want a little help with HIS son! Meaning I want some child support! He just laughs at me and tells me hes working under the table...so child support cant find him. This is kind of mean of me but I told him I was going to send him pictures for xmas but never did...am I wrong for this??? I in a way feel bad but I dont! He has NEVER been there for his child! OH I am just so mad right nowI hope he gets a damn lawyer!!! From what I hear I have all rights in the state of Ohio...especially since he hasnt paid NO child support in his whole life! Im sorry girlsIt seems like everytime I post on here its a whine but you are very helpful in your support. Do you think I should just send him the pictures? Am I doing the right thing? UGH

I certainly understand all the emotions behind this and probably would feel the same way if I were in your shoes. I suspect you feel if you give him an inch, he'll want a mile. Yes?

It can't really hurt to send him some pictures, but definitely stick to your guns that he needs to make good on all the support he's failed to provide, before there will be any talk of visitations or worse!

[*Lyndsey*]

Originally Posted by BarbC

I certainly understand all the emotions behind this and probably would feel the same way if I were in your shoes. I suspect you feel if you give him an inch, he'll want a mile. Yes?

It can't really hurt to send him some pictures, but definitely stick to your guns that he needs to make good on all the support he's failed to provide, before there will be any talk of visitations or worse!

Yes Barb this is totally him! If you give him an inch he will take right over! Thats just the way he is. I will send him some pictures tomorrow. I just dontwant him to think that he scared me.

[Itsjusmeli]

I would send him the pics, then pursue that child support until you get it.

[mchoat]

He's blowing smoke up your butt. He knows (or he should know) that if he contacts a lawyer, you'll go to court. You go to court and they'll see he hasn't paid any child support. So he'll have to give up his employment info OR find a legit job in so many days. PLUS your court order will go up because he'll have to pay on his arrears (gotta love the arrears!). Yeah he will have legal rights to see his kid butI wouldn't worry. You'll still have primary custody, you'll be getting child support payments because he'll be threatened (and jailbirds don't like more jail time), and you'll be called the occasional beeyatch because he has to give you $$! Don't let him think he spooked you or it'll get ugly.

That's how it works in Pa, anyway. Can you tell I'm well versed in this area?

[raynasmom]

Hi Lyndsey. I have a similar situation to yours except my ex has never contacted me. He has seen my parents in the town that he lives in and has asked them about seeing my dd, my parents hate him so they have always told him that I have moved far away with dd! Lol, that isn't exactly true, I only live around 60 miles from where he lives. He doesn't know where I live and I don't want him to know where I live.

He was very abusive to me and left me for another girl when dd was 3 months old, my dd is 6 now and I have not seen or heard from him since. I always got along well with his mother though so I send her pictures every year from my parents address.

I never tried to get child support because I honestly want nothing to do with him! I know that he should pay but then again my dd now has a wonderful man in her life that supports her and treats her as if she were his own and we have been together since dd was 1. She knows that my dh is not her real father but she thinks of him as her father!

If you really want to get child support from himyou should file it, the caseworkers do everything that they can to track down the fathers address and make them pay or at least in my state they go to jail for not paying!

I wouldn't worry about the whole lawyer statement since he has not paid any child support or had any part in your childs life! Plus with the whole lawyer thing, if you go to court he will probably then be forced to pay child support and most likely he would be paying back child support as well!

[Bailey4]

I'd tell him I'd be more than happy to send the pictures to his address, not his mothers. I'd even offer to send extras to share with his family to his legal address.

As for getting a lawyer, encourage that politely. He has far more to lose in the legal system than you do as he hasn't paid child support and as several have said back child support hurts trying to get caught up.

The key is to make it as impersonal as possible. You share resposiblity for a child and if he wants to get visitation have him seek it through the courts so you both have legal standing for custody, visitation, and support and all parties can be held accountable for their responsiblities in the relationship.