Confused

[dixiechic]

Ok, here goes. I have been married for 16 years , together for 20 with two beautfiul children. I am a full time mom, and do everything for my kids. I have been seeing someone outside of my marriage, that I am truly happy with when I am with him. I love my husband more than anything in this world but I find myself happier with this other person. I don't want to leave my marriage, but at the same time I really am starting to fall in love with this other man, and my head is telling me one thing and my heart another. Any advice.

[HighEnergyMom]

Drop this other guy and forget about him. You might be having a little crisis in your life and thinking that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. That just isn't so. Don't let this indiscretion destroy you, your children, your husband and your future life. It is not worth the pain that all of this will cause. You are married and not free to form another relationship. It might look real good to you right now, but it'svery unlikely that it will have the happy ending you are imagining. Don't put yourself and your family through this.

[nattiesmother]

I agree...if you really are unhappy maybe you and your husband need to discuss things and see what you can do to improve things like marriage counseling.I would also drop the other guy.JMO.

[cre8tivgurl]

Adultery is NEVER the answer. If things with the hubby is that bad, get a divorce, get some closure and learn from the experience and THEN and only then move on to another relationship.

Also, it might interest you to know, that most relationships that begin when one or both parties are still married to other people, almost ALWAYS end in divorce.

You are on the cusp of destroying your life and those around you..walk away from this other guy and get a grip on the REAL issues..

[rosie1]

To be quite frank........you said you would do anything for your kids. If this is the case, stop being unfaithful! You are setting a horrible example for your children, not to mention hurting their father and breaking a vow that you made to be faithful to him. What does this tell you children about commitment and promises?

[sheshamom]

Go to www.survivinginfidelity.com

You will see betrayed spouses and those who are breaking off their affairs. You will learn alot.

The other man looks good because you don't hear him fart at night. You see him when he's upset and wants to grumble at you. You don't have to worry about who's going to watch the kids when you're with him. You don't have to worry about if the house payment was sent. Did he fill up the gas tank? You're not washing his dirty dishes and skid-marked underwear.

The minute you either move in with him........all this wonderful stuff is yours. Why? Because EVERYONE farts, EVERYONE dirty dishes, EVERYONE will forget to fill the tank or expect you to do it. And remember if you choose to go with him you are alsochoosing to shake up your children's live...and they didn't ask for this. It isn't all about you. You own it to your kids to at least, at the VERY LEAST, try and save your marriage. Sometimes things dont' work out and divorce happens but you aren't even trying. And to give your marriage a fair chance you need this other person out of your life.

You need to talk with your husband. Call for marriage counciling and get started. At least TRY.If not, you can bet that the kids won't be going with you and your affair partner.........are you willing to dump them because that's what you'll doing. Are they really that disposable?

Sounds harsh but those are sad facts. You either do right or wrong.
You either work for your family or dump them.

[SweetSpot]

Dixie, I feel for you, it's quite a predicament that you're in.

I think the thing to remember is that in the early phase of a new relationship, it can be so intoxicating that it can make a person not think straight or even act irrationally. As a matter of fact, it's considered by some therapists to be a state of temporary insanity.

It's probably not a good idea to make major life decisions while in this state.

If you're not absolutely sure you want to leave your husband for him, I suggest you have a cooling off period of 2 or 3 months. It will be difficult because the endorphin-rush craziness will urge you to see him or at least keep you thinking about him constantly. If he is the man for you he will still be there.

In the meantime, realize that most people stray from their marriages because of lack of intimacy (unless they're sex addicts). You and your husband need to get into the position where you're having nose to nose real conversation. This sometimes is not easy when there are kids around, but this is an emergency and you'll need to do whatever it takes.

If you rekindle your intimacy and choose to stay with him, I would give some thought as to how much you're going to tell him about this new relationship. If you haven't slept with this new person it would possibly foster intimacy to tell him about it. If you have slept with him it may be counterproductive to tell. I'm sure many would disagree with me on this.

All the best to you.

[foxbaron]

What part of your marriage VOWS did you not understand?