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Old 07-12-2011, 05:15 PM
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I need to vent and just hear some positiveness. I know some of you may understand and feel the way that I do right now.

I'm 20 years old and I am the mother of a 2 year old boy. I'm engaged and my fiancee is currently fixing up his house so that it is safe for a child. When we first started dating, his house was a wreck. He is working on it room by room and doing a great job but it is obviously taking some time because it can be very costly. In the meantime, I am living at home with my parents. I pay rent to live here, I purchase my own groceries for my son and myself (and I am always willing to share with my parents), I pay for my cell phone bill, pay half of the internet bill, anyway you get the picture... I am not living off of them and if anything, you can consider me a tenant because I pay my way to live here.

Although I pay for all of these things, my mother expects me to be a miracle worker. Not only am I trying to get as many articles done as I possibly can each day, I am also watching my 2 year old all day long. There is no one here to help me. I get the job done without complaints. I cook him breakfast, lunch and dinner. I manage to spend time with my son AND get my work done although it seems impossible sometimes.

I'm not with my sons father and he only has our son 2 days out of the week. Aside from writing and taking care of my 2 year old, I do some chores in this house. I always do our dishes, run the swiffer through the house at least once a day, and I clean the bathroom about once a week. Yet it isn't enough.

My mother tells me that what I am doing "IS NOT A REAL JOB" and that I am just "SITTING AROUND PLAYING WITH MY COMPUTER" I know you should always respect your parents BUT it took a lot for me to bite my tongue. I explained to her that if it were true and I was just playing around with my computer, how the hell am I paying my way to live here? I don't get it. This situation is only temporary (THANK GOD) and yet she is treating me like I am a lazy individual. I'm not just a stay at home mom, I am a work at home mom! That is a double workload in itself.

I'm sorry this was so long, I am just so tired of being unappreciated and told that my job isn't real and that I need to get out and get a real job and socialize with other people my age. My fiancee works at a store and he is not true "friends" with any of the people he works with; they're all gossipers. I don't think the grass is greener on the other side. I like writing and I love making money from it.
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Old 07-12-2011, 05:33 PM
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Sometimes parents show their concern in a really harsh way. They also tend to be concerned when they shouldn't be. I have a hard time dealing with my mom for this reason. I don't even bring up my work to my mom, because she can't wrap her head around what I do, and is very dismissive and judgmental about it.

It's unfortunate that something that is such a saving grace to so many of us is looked down upon. I'm sorry I don't have any advice, but I would encourage you to not let her get you down. You're doing a great job to provide everything you need to your son and earn your place at home. It would be a bad idea to give all that up and cave into pressure just because your mom doesn't understand.
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Old 07-12-2011, 05:42 PM
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Ugh, how frustrating. Does your fiancee have a timeline for when his house will be ready? If it's going to be awhile (like several years), you may want to consider moving out into your own place. Family can be stressful, and they can also hold us back. I don't know about you, but I write more articles when I'm not stressed.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope things get better soon. I know what it's like to deal with stuff like this, and it's not fun.
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Old 07-12-2011, 05:56 PM
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What a shame that you're making enough money to pay rent to your mother and yet she still can't acknowledge your success. Sounds like it's a matter of waiting this one out until you can be with your fiance. Channel the frustration into energy that you put toward more work. Adjust your inner dialogue so that when she gets on your case, instead of getting angry you laugh to yourself at her foolishness and blindness for not seeing the truth. Those attitude changes will help while you ride this out.

I'm lucky to have many writer friends who know it's a "real job," and we all support each other. My husband knows how hard I work and how much income I bring in, too. But to this day my brother doesn't think I have a "real" job because I work at home, even though I technically have three businesses (the writing, online counseling, and running a travel agency, although the counseling has taken a backseat at the moment). It doesn't bother me; I just appreciate that irony that when he was working (he can't now due to a stoke but he used to be a truck driver) I made more yearly than he did.
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Old 07-12-2011, 06:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MissyMiss View Post
Ugh, how frustrating. Does your fiancee have a timeline for when his house will be ready? If it's going to be awhile (like several years), you may want to consider moving out into your own place. Family can be stressful, and they can also hold us back. I don't know about you, but I write more articles when I'm not stressed.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope things get better soon. I know what it's like to deal with stuff like this, and it's not fun.
The house should be done in a few months, thankfully. I am really hoping it all turns out well because I cannot take much more of this. You are right, I work better when I am not stressed. When my mother is here (she works at a school so she is now home during the summer), she scrutinizes. She doesn't offer a helping hand. Instead, she takes naps all day, watches her soaps, and then tells me I am lazy. It hurts. We've had talks about it before but she refuses to accept what I do. I think being a stripper would be better in her eyes.

When she isn't here, I usually get so much done. When she is here, I get so much less done. Also, we spend some of the day arguing which wastes my time completely.

Thank you for your kind words <3
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Old 07-12-2011, 06:11 PM
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Originally Posted by inkkognito View Post
What a shame that you're making enough money to pay rent to your mother and yet she still can't acknowledge your success. Sounds like it's a matter of waiting this one out until you can be with your fiance. Channel the frustration into energy that you put toward more work. Adjust your inner dialogue so that when she gets on your case, instead of getting angry you laugh to yourself at her foolishness and blindness for not seeing the truth. Those attitude changes will help while you ride this out.

I'm lucky to have many writer friends who know it's a "real job," and we all support each other. My husband knows how hard I work and how much income I bring in, too. But to this day my brother doesn't think I have a "real" job because I work at home, even though I technically have three businesses (the writing, online counseling, and running a travel agency, although the counseling has taken a backseat at the moment). It doesn't bother me; I just appreciate that irony that when he was working (he can't now due to a stoke but he used to be a truck driver) I made more yearly than he did.
It really is. I could understand her frustration if I was living off of her and not helping out. Although I am her child, I feel like she should consider me a tenant because I pay for things as if I am renting a room in this house. I appreciate the helpful tips. I am going to try to channel my anger into more passion for writing.

It's great that you have writer friends! Many people do not understand what I do for a living or how but none seem to be as judgmental and harsh as my own mother. I wish people could accept what we do for a living and understand that we DO work as hard, if not harder than them!
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Old 07-12-2011, 06:20 PM
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Don't let them get you down. You are working and twice as hard as most mom's out there. Between not having help, writing and taking on all the household responsiblities, you obviously sound like a remarkable mommy. I wouldn't give it another thought. Just keep doing what your doing. If it helps we've all been there. I get dirty looks and rude comments from people when I say I am a stay at home mother/ writer. Keep telling yourself your doing this for your child and your finding a way to make it work! I hope things get better!
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Old 07-12-2011, 06:30 PM
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Things will get better - consider it riding out the storm. It's hard when people don't get it and look down on you, even though you're paying your way and not a mooch! Sounds to me like you are doing an amazing job.

Maybe she's jealous because you're getting to work AND be home with your little one. Jealousy can be an ugly thing.

I know what you mean about how much it hurts. I get nasty comments sometimes from neighbors about having my child home with me and being out playing with him (shouldn't he be in preschool?! and why don't you work?) but let it roll off like water off a duck's back. Then like someone said - turn that energy into more motivation for work. Maybe even make a nice private blog or something to get it out so you can focus. I have to do that.

Hang in there! We all love you and know you can make it through!
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Old 07-12-2011, 06:39 PM
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I just wanted to add some support to this thread. Workingmom, you sound like you're doing a really good job! Taking care of your kid all day and working from home enough to get your bills paid? You should be really proud of yourself.

As a sidenote, I'm really sad to see so many people post about how their families don't think writing is a "real job." I just don't get it!
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Old 07-12-2011, 06:41 PM
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You know what?

If you guys did work all the time, someone would be complaining that you're letting a babysitter raise your kid.

Someone's always going to have something to say no matter what you do.
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