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Old 01-17-2011, 02:07 PM
MMShell's Avatar
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Default How long should your child live home?

I pose a question to all the parents out there because I was brought up to work for everything I had and with one major house rule.... At 18 if I was in school I could live home, but if I did not chose school I had to move out and get a job.

At 23 I have a beautiful stepdaughter who is on a wrong path.. Having stopped college after one year, had 5 car accidents and does not pay her bills on time...I am frustrated! It's the only issue my husband and I argue over...

I think it's time she moves on... She has a job, blows her money and doesn't her room clean, doesn't do what she is asked or told, coming home at 3 or 4am making noise, doesn't help out at home and well I could go on...

I love all my stepchildren as if they are my own and I know what my mom would have done long before 23.. Just curious as to what other parents might consider?
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Old 01-17-2011, 03:03 PM
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When I was growing up, my Dad always said "If you live in my house, you live by my rules." If we were in school, we could live there. If we weren't in school, then we had to work and pay rent. We did unless we wanted to have to move out.
My oldest son is in college and is also working. He is responsible, so I'm glad I don't have to force the issue of his moving out. If he was loud, uncaring and irresponsible, I wouldn't be able to have him live here. We have 2 other children that need to have a good example set for them and plus the disruptions would be nerve wracking.
My heart goes out to you for having to go thru this. It has got to be very painful for you and your husband. My opinion is : Either she straightens up or she is told to move out. That doesn't mean abandonment, I'm sure you would help her get settled. imho
Good Luck to you.
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Old 01-18-2011, 11:16 AM
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thanks for the reply... It is hard and as a stepmom that adds a little more difficulty.. My other stepchildren are out and doing well on their own.

I also think a person whether and adult or a child needs tough love sometimes and that's where I'm at. Her safety is first, however independence has to be taught because one day we won't be here to pick her up. We'll see.

I've been blessed with being able to raise my husbands children in the absence of their mother and have done what I believe was right... And also tried to show them healthy relationships are possible and most importantly be self sufficient because life throws curve balls and change will happen. Be ready and willing and able to stand on your own two feet.

Glad to hear your kids are doing great, keep it up! 3 out of 4 here are!! good odds right! LOL!
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Old 02-07-2011, 03:12 PM
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Default You Probably Know The Right Answer

You probably deep down know the right answer, but I know it gets very frustrating when you are living in it and you are in a hard place as a stepmother.
My advice is to realize that you and your husband will only tolerate this for as long as you allow yourselves to. Your husband probably knows it is not right that she is in control.
The obvious answer is to turn her loose.
This is for you both to decide how long before you will finally do that and if it's worth turmoil in your marriage between now and when you are both fed up.
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Old 02-07-2011, 06:59 PM
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My house, My rules.
Dont like it.... Thats the door, your choice.

Growing up my mom told me at 17 (graduated early) go to school or get a job. The boys they pushed towards college... so I got a job. Paid rent (she charged me and would not let me move out as I was under 18 which I thought was SO unfair) and had to treat my room as I always had, neat and clean.

Got married at 18 and MOVED OUT
Still married to the same lovely man 38 years later

Set your rules. Then its HER choice not yours.
No guilt
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Old 02-08-2011, 01:48 AM
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I don't think you should feel guilty about charging your 23-year-old daughter rent. It'll teach her not to blow her money and how to budget properly. If you're still guilty about it, you could save part of it, and after a year, give it back to her in the form of a down paymnet on a car, or books for school if she goes back. Then, explain to her how just a portion of every paycheck could be set aside like that. If I was in your shoes, I think I would put my foot down.
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Old 02-08-2011, 11:16 AM
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I fully agree, a lady of that age should feel responsibility for life and people around her.
I left home at the age of 18 (I entered a university), that was the right decision, I understand it now, since I learnt lot living alone
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Old 04-10-2011, 09:26 AM
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Default I think...

Each child is different and has their own course to follow in life.

My son moved out at 20 - he was ready and he's doing really well.

My daughter is 18 and wants to move out - but she isn't ready. She needs to be more responsible and figure out her finances. I think if she left now - she would only be back in a year or so and be worse off for it. She's book smart but doesn't always have the common sense in place.

Now if I felt they needed the push because they just kept making bad decisions - I would do that too. Sometimes tough love needs to come into play.

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Old 04-21-2011, 07:19 PM
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Hopefully when my kids leave for college they will stay on their own. However, if for some reason they have to come back home after graduating, I will give them 6 months to a year to get on their feet. And I don't care if they were 50 yrs old, If they are under my roof they still have to follow rules and do chores like they do now. And once they are grown, they have to get a job and pay their way.
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Old 04-30-2011, 11:26 AM
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Default How long should your child live home?

Rules are rules..

Do what is desirable.. If she don't want to follow the rules then let her move out of your house.

Be strict and implement your rules..
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