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Old 12-04-2009, 09:33 AM
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Default Overwhelmed and Lost

I have been feeling lost for a while now. I am engaged to a wonderful man. We have a 7 month old between us, and I also have 4 kids from my previous marriage. All the kids are young. And I am two months pregnant. My fiance is excited. He wants us to have two more kids after this one. (so eight total). I come from a big family. I love kids obviously. I am going to school for nursing, mostly pediatrics and eventually want to be a child psychiatrist. But my fiance is in the Navy, and he is wanting to request to join up with a unit overseas for the extra money. He has been once, luckily it was to Kuwait, but this time it could be Iraq or Afghanistan. We are also going to be moving at the end of january, and if he does goes with another group we will most likely be moving again soon after that. He will also most likely be deployed when I deliver. I am afraid of going through a delivery on my own. I am also unsure how I would handle all the kids by myself, with no family or friends around. His family does not approve of me because of my other children, and they will not be happy when we tell them that we are expecting.

I am also terrified that he may change when he comes back from deployment. My first husband was a great man. He served in the Army and served in Iraq. When he came back he had PTSD and refused to get help, He also is bipolar and he quit taking his meds. He became abusive, violent. I begged him to get help, but he wouldn't so I left him. He has since gotten help and he is wonderful with the kids. Our 2 and 3 year old spend half the year with him (3 months with me and then 3 with him, we live on seperate sides of the country) the older two are with me most the time because of school. We have not decided yet when the 2 and 3 year olds are old enough for school which parent they will live with.

I am worried what if my fiance also goes through PTSD and how I will cope with that?

My fiance is a wonderful man, and he loves all the kids, he is great with them. We spend as much family time together as possible. We do all types of things together as a family. I am going to school, taking care of the house, and kids while he works. I quit my last job bc he asked me to be home with the kids.Financially we can handle more kids. But I keep feeling overwhelmed.

Please tell me it is just the hormones.
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Old 12-07-2009, 03:32 PM
happymommy's Avatar
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Hi there,

I'm sure the hormones aren't helping, but you have A LOT on your plate, dear! First of all, it sounds like you have a wonderful fiance. Have you talked openly to him about your fears of him changing? I know PTSD is common, but maybe your ex-husband's bipolar issue made him more likely to develop it??? Not sure if it would, but just something to think about. Maybe having an honest talk with your fiance will make you feel better. I'm sure he'd want to know you're having these concerns so the two of you can work through them together. Maybe he could hold off on his overseas request until after you finish school and the baby is born? Don't know if any of this helps, but just wanted to wish you the best!
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Old 12-08-2009, 09:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by happymommy View Post
Hi there,

I'm sure the hormones aren't helping, but you have A LOT on your plate, dear! First of all, it sounds like you have a wonderful fiance. Have you talked openly to him about your fears of him changing? I know PTSD is common, but maybe your ex-husband's bipolar issue made him more likely to develop it??? Not sure if it would, but just something to think about. Maybe having an honest talk with your fiance will make you feel better. I'm sure he'd want to know you're having these concerns so the two of you can work through them together. Maybe he could hold off on his overseas request until after you finish school and the baby is born? Don't know if any of this helps, but just wanted to wish you the best!
i agree with what she said..
as you said, your fiance is a wonderful man and probably he'll understand you if you tell your concerns to him..
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