In need of encouragement!

[DesignChick]

I'm a first time mom to a gorgeous 2-month-old. I have always planned to be a stay-at-home mom, and I quit my job before he was born. There was no question in my mind that it's what I wanted, and I was counting down the days.
Now that I'm a full time Mom, though, I'm having such a difficult time adjusting! I have a Bachelor's in Architecture, and gave up a $47k salary (I earned slightly more than my husband). I miss being involved with interesting projects, and most of all I miss our old lifestyle. We can't afford to go out on our Friday date nights anymore, and I can no longer splurge on cute clothes or shoes (I was never a big shopper at all, but I still miss it!). We *just* make end's meet really, and I get so stressed out about money. I definitely plan to work from home, but right now that seems like an overwhelming prospect since I have an infant to take care of. I also need to save up thousands of dollars for the software I would need to continue in my line of work.

I feel strongly that I'm doing the best thing for my son, but I guess I'm having trouble really appreciating that, and enjoying myself! I'm trying not to sound selfish or whiny here, but I'm feeling discouraged that I kind of gave up everything that I used to be. I think the people around me underestimate what a big decision this has been. It's like they assume it's just one big vacation for me, playing with my baby all the time. My cousins who also recently had babies decided to continue working, and they say I'm "so lucky". I don't think they understand the sacrifice. I feel like a little reassurance and even maybe some recognition would go a long way! At least my husband occasionally comments on how well I take care of our son, and how nice it is to come home and see him happy.

Did anyone else feel this way when you first became a WAHM, and how did you get through it?

[circusmom]

YES I did! It's a tough transition. I've been doing it for a year now. My kids are older, and I'm still adjusting, and so is DH.

It was really hard for me when I first stayed at home and my kids were younger (an infant and a toddler) I thought it would be easy to start a business, but I had no contacts, and not an ounce of time! So was just a Stay-at-home mom, with no contribution to the finances. It took me a year to adjust then. So this time I found this place when I started to try to work at home, and the support has been exactly what I needed to not give up! Some months are better than others, some months my spouse is supportive other times he's frustrated at not seeing that regular pay-check, but these ladies and my kids are super supportive, and doing ths is the BEST thing for them! Your doing the right thing, and you've come to the right place, hang in there!

[lilmisssunshine]

I know a bit how you feel. I'm pregnant now with my first, but I've been planning to stay home. Fortunately, I was able to start working from home before I got pregnant, so that part of the transition won't be hard.

However, most of my friends have real high-powered jobs (doctors, lawyers, so on). They don't yet have kids and I'm sure that they couldn't even fathom wanting to stay home with them. They don't understand me at all anymore.

You've had a big drop in family income and that will take awhile to get used to. I think it's also hard, when you used to work and now you don't, to feel like you have any "me money". I'm not a shopper either, but when my husband was working and I wasn't, it was hard for me to even buy myself a candy bar. [img]smileys/smiley4.gif[/img]

What do you want to do from home? Architecture stuff? Is that why you need the software? If that's the case, you may want to feel out your old company or other firms and see if they'd let you do some work from home. If you had guaranteed work, then you may not feel so bad putting the software on a credit card because you'd know that you can pay it off soon.

Love,
Shannon

[tenXmom]

I agree with checking in with your old employer - with some well wording on your part they may even be willing to help with the software

Your little guy is only two months old - you're still healing from PG/delivery in addition to adjusting to your new life - It takes some time, hang in there

[SFerber]

Originally Posted by tenXmom

I agree with checking in with your old employer - ...Your little guy is only two months old - you're still healing from PG/delivery in addition to adjusting to your new life - It takes some time, hang in there

THIS IS SO SO TRUE!

If not to help with software (they may not want to fund the competition but) perhaps they would be interested in hiring you to work for them from home. This is exactly what happened for me with my last child. When it was time to return to the office after having him they transitioned me to work from home. With loads of adjustments and readjustments it can be done.

After I was settled and learning how to make that work I found a home biz of my own. So now I do both. I have a home biz in the health wellness and prevention arena and I have a JOB in radio.

You are NOT alone in how you feel that is for sure! So glad you found your way to the wahm board.

[BarbC]

Originally Posted by DesignChick

Did anyone else feel this way when you first became a WAHM, and how did you get through it?

You're certainly not alone in your feelings. I wish you well adjusting!

After we started having children, we were fortunate to have relatives who helped watch the children while I continued to work; mostly my mother towards the end until I became a WAHM. I felt guilty going to work, but we're a 2 earner family and needed to stay that way.

As luck would have it, I didn't have to give up my profession (programmer) and have worked from home since; although I had to supplement my work over a slow period of about 1-1/2 years.

Do you use CAD for architectural work? If you can find a client with external access to their network, there's no reason you couldn't continue working too.

[DesignChick]

Thanks everyone. To continue with the type of architectural/design work I do, I would need close to $6,000 worth of CAD software. Unfortunately my former employer isn't receptive to WAHMs because it wouldn't be "fair" to other employees. In my resignation letter I told them that I would like to work from home. It's a large company and not an architectural firm, so that could have something to do with it. I know there is a definite need among individual architects and smaller firms for freelance people like myself, so I guess I just need to put myself out there until things fall into place. I actually tried freelancing straight out of college and there was no shortage of work, but the architects gave me copied versions of the software and wanted to pay me under the table...I felt that it was unethical for me to continue freelancing under those circumstances.

I guess maybe I'm just getting panicky due to the fact that this is a huge adjustment for me. My husband and I worked hard to save up a lot of money knowing things would be tight. You're right, I'm still recovering from the birth and trying to learn how to care for an infant, so chances are I wouldn't really even be capable of working tomorrow if I wanted to! For now I guess I just need to stop worrying, and take some time to relax and enjoy my situation. Thanks!

[tenXmom]

When you're ready to go back to work - a couple of ways around the ethics - How about remote access to the architects' computers, using their legit software legally - Would you/they be open to Ind Contractor vs under the table, you'd have to pay your own taxes but (for me at least) it's well worth it.

And yes, try to stop worrying and take the time to enjoy your little dude!!

[BarbC]

Originally Posted by DesignChick

To continue with the type of architectural/design work I do, I would need close to $6,000 worth of CAD software.

There would be no need to make that investment if you acquired a client who would allow remote access to their network; GoToMyPC, VPN, etc. When you have the time, start thinking about promoting your services. Clients may be knocking at your door before you know it.

Nevertheless, you have time to ponder all that. Enjoy this wonderful time with your little bundle of joy. It goes by much too quickly!

[donnaj]

I agree with the others...check back with the former employer...they can lead you and maybe recommend you to someone if there is no openings...also I am training for medical transcription...there is a link on the WAHM board for transcripting and other jobs check there too! If you want to try something new check into medical transcription training like I have done it sure sounds promising to be able to work at home when I am done with training. My husband is disabled and has a heart condition right now and needs me to be home...that is why it has been ideal to stay home. If you are interested let me know...I can have someone contact you with the information. Good luck. donna j