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View Full Version : Handling difficult people

12-22-2012, 04:56 AM
Just need some feedback..from a christian's Perspective. There is one Person in our church who occasionaly has made comments if I miss a ladies bible study.. I feel it is not anything she should concern herself with; I had missed 2 ladies bible studies..then I got a corneal ulcer..had to miss another one and she still said something to me.I was quiet..and did not know what to say to her... from other things I have seen and heard about her..she is just a controlling person to some extent..She is a very Strict christian person..I consider myself a spiritual person and go to church very regularly..watch christian tv..etc.This lady is the type that will drive to bible studies.. 1/2 hour trip for her...even when she has not had enough rest and tells us about it..I am not that way..If I have a bad day etc..I stay at home and rest..see what I am getting at..she is really strict with herself..I try to be sensible...My husband says I should say something to her about it..like Tell her I am an adult etc..and I am so careful how I talk to people..even though there are some..like Her.that get on my last nerve!!...Just curious...What would any of you say to someone.. I personally never say anything to people who miss church or bible studies.I figure it is.None of my business!.. Please give me some answers... THANKS.. Sue

12-22-2012, 08:10 AM
Hi Sue,

I completely agree with you it is none of her business and she need not concern herself with other people. she sounds like the kind of person who has a strong need for recognition in everything that she does. This is why when she is having a bad day she is the first to let everyone know that she went out of her way to make it there so she can get Kudos for it. The fact of the matter is if it is eating at you the best way to handle it is 2 ways. At least this is how I would handle it :)

1. Be the better person, you already are. Always be kind because you never know what life is like in her shoes. Maybe she was raised in a family that had very high expectations of her or is in a relationship like this and she never feels good enough so when she is around other people she feels the need to seek it out from you by making herself look like the better women, the better christian etc. My mom always told me to kill them with kindness, in the end they only make them self look bad by treating others who ar kind to them in this way and others will notice.

2. However, this being said you also don't want to let her think it is ok to use you as her punching bag or doormat. She does not have control over you or what you do until you let her. You have to stick up for yourself. I am not saying this is easy or fun and I was the same way for a long time never said things, just sat quiet and let people walk all over me. One day I realized how miserable it was making me and then I realized it was because I was letting it by not sticking up for myself. You don't have to be mean about it, kill her with kindness but get your point across by pointing out to her that it is none of her business in a nice way and that you don't appreciate her scolding you like a child. What you do with your life is your decision not hers, you are an adult and frankly it is none of her business. You can go one after that acting like nothing happened and never bring it up again unless you feel it is necessary.

Trust me, I know it sounds and feels scary to take that step and defend yourself like this but you can do it in a nice respectful way and once you do you will be amazed at how good it feels. YOU CAN DO IT! I will pray that you can find the strength within you to stand up for yourself and your decisions. I will pray that God will bless you with the courage and the ability to express your feelings in a way that will set your heart at ease and make her realize she has crossed a line and needs to take a step back. When the time is right God will bless you with all of these things and you will be able to make this change in your life. You are a strong women of God and remember he is with you at your side even when you feel alone :)

Good luck and Merry Christmas!

12-22-2012, 04:53 PM
PS. let me know how it goes ;)

Amy Jacobs
12-23-2012, 11:13 AM
I would tell her nicely its really non of her concern :) & have a great day!

12-24-2012, 06:47 AM
I think this person is probably struggling with her own personal issue and she is unable or unwilling to express this so it comes out in the way she treats others. I would not let her comments affect me in any way. You must do what feels right to you and not let her thoughts or words change who you are. I probably would not say anything to her other than treat her with kindness because I assure you, if she is acting in this way she has some kind of internal pain she is dealing with.

12-27-2012, 05:56 AM
It is really none of her business. It is best not to say anything to her, try not to let her affect you in any way as long as you know the truth and you're not doing anything to hurt anybody.

02-19-2013, 12:56 PM
As I was reading your post, I thought it was my own situation that I experience a few years ago. Great job! for waiting to react. You are one that is showing maturity. If she keeps it up, I would pray first that God will prepare her heart and ears to receive what you have to say and they you will be in a spirit of love and simply say: "Wow, I didn't know missing church was any of your business" and walk away. I almost guarantee this will stop her sayings. Love is exposing sin so people can realize they have problem so they can be free and doesn't mean we are doormats for people to step on. Take care.

02-21-2013, 09:38 AM
Here's a thought: agree with her...sort of...;)

when she makes a comment about X, respond with "hmmm, sometimes I am X!" It's true, sometimes, but this type of agreeing really doesn't give away your power, which is what she is seeking.

People try to take power not because they're strong, but because they're weak.

Throw in a "I appreciate when I'm missed. Thank you." Then send her love, applaud yourself for your strength and walk away.

You can't change her; you can only change you.

02-22-2013, 10:41 AM
and that you appreciate the fact that she missed you.....

and then drop the subject.

I have a person in my church that has made comments about my missing church frequently
I went up to that person and said I understand you've been worried about my not being able to
make it to mass.. I don't currently have transportation and it is a 7 mile walk which makes it
difficult to attend. If you're that concerned, maybe you can give me your phone number and I
can call you to pick me up and take me home afterward?

Never heard another comment from her........

03-15-2013, 04:40 PM
I believe whatever you say back to her, say it in love - don't show offense. And don't let her concerns affect you. God knows you and He sees your heart - that's all that matters. We do not live our lives to impress people, but we live for God.

Peace! :)

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