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Craftgrrl
03-19-2008, 07:12 AM
Hello everyone,

I am new here and with a unique situation. I just recently started dating again, only within the last month. I have been doing the online thing for months now with mixed results. Recently I have been corresponding with a man in the Army, stationed in Iraq. Even though so many friends and family have been in the military, I am unfamiliar with different aspects of being both in the Army and having been deployed to Iraq.

I am starting to like this man so very much. He is the most appropriate and nice and fun man I've ever chatted with. From the beginning I knew he was looking for a wife and he knew I was only looking for a casual relationship. Now I find myself thinking about him all the time. Everyone tells me to be careful, that for all I know he is not even in the Army or even in Iraq. (He is supposed to be coming home in three months to retire. He's already been there 10 months.) I am being cautious andhe's never given me a reason to not believe him. Could someone please tell me if Army personnel are allowed to be online regularly? Also, being curious, I asked what time it was there and he did not give it to me in military time. He said it was 4:36 pm. Wouldn't that have been 1636 instead? And also, it is even allowed that they have profiles online? I do know of a young man in the Navy from the same site. I am so new to this, I really want to believe him. He seems so lonely and needs support and he is so kind and nice. ANY and ALL replies are very, very appreciated!!

Donna


Mrs1stSgt
03-19-2008, 08:44 AM
PM me his name and I will look him up. Also some questions to ask him what unit he is in, where is he stationed out of, How long has he been, whathis MOS is (that is his job)Also alot of military people know that civilians do not understandmilitary lingo, military is really its own world. He is probably very lonely Like I said you can PM meand I will lookhim up also send me his e-mail address I can tell sometime by that.yes they do have internet access.
Lisa

Craftgrrl
03-19-2008, 11:53 AM
Lisa, thank you! I really like this man and I truly want to be here for him. You gave me great information. And I sent you a PM. http://www.wahm.com/forum/smileys/smiley1.gif

Donna


Bella_Rose
04-03-2008, 08:16 PM
My husband is in the Navy and never refers to time in military time. And he's been in for almost 12 years.
As for being online. I have had/have friends/family in the sandbox and they don't get much time on the internet. I know a lot of ladies who only talk to their husbands once a week, while others once a day. If he's on almost all day, then I would be suspicious. I know my cousin is on the internet maybe a few times a month. It also depends on his job. I suppose if he has a desk job, he miht be able to get online more, but my understanding is that they hae community computers and are allowed X minutes, or unlimited if there's no line. I know that's how it is on DH"s ship when they're deployed.
HTH's!

Craftgrrl
04-03-2008, 10:39 PM
Rosi, Thank you so much for your reply. It did help some. This guy is not online all the time, actually I think he's on only like 4 times a month and not for very long. Maybe 15 min. and he suddenly has to leave. In the beginning, it was a little more, maybe 20-25 min week. I don't know yet if he has a desk job. I have been waiting to hear a little more from him, but we keep missing each other or he hasn't been able to get online. http://www.wahm.com/forum/smileys/smiley6.gif

mompenguin
04-14-2008, 12:28 PM
Donna, My advice to you would be the same that I would give anyone in an "internet" relationship- take it SLOWLY. It sounds like you haven't had a whole lot of contact with him (if I read correctly 15-25 minutes a week for the last month?).


As far as online dating while deployed it depends on the access he has and who knows about it. I don't think it is prohibited, but it would be frowned upon. This would be to protect the soldier (there are lots of scammers out for soldiers money and you would be amazed at how many soldiers give powers-of-attorneys to people they don't really know) and, to a lesser extent, to protect the person the soldier is contacting (thinking affairs here).
I hope Lisa was able to help you out and get some info.

Jeannine

Craftgrrl
04-18-2008, 11:06 AM
Thank you so much for your message, Jeanine. Lisa was a lot of help and I have been very careful. I hadn't heard from my friend for a while (like 9-10 days) and PM'd Lisa to tell her I thought he'd given up, but the very next day he left me a message saying he wanted to talk and that he missed me. Then I didn't hear anything else. I know he signed in yesterday on another website (which shows last log in date) but he didn't leave me a message knowing I was expecting to hear from him when he signed on, so I am thinking he's given up. So I believe that is the end of that. Oh well, things happen for a reason. I honestly don't think I'll hear from him again, but if there is ever another situation like this, I will know more of what to expect and ask. Thanks again! http://www.wahm.com/forum/smileys/smiley1.gif

Mrs1stSgt
04-19-2008, 06:24 AM
Oohhh I was really hoping that he would come clean with you. Yes everything does happen for a reason. Hang in there girl there are great guys out there. I waited a long time to meet and marry my sweet hubby. and he is great. When we met ihe was a SSG. that was 5 years ago. I had no interest in a military man, growing up in that world I did everything to avoid him but he had his sights set on me and he won. Good luck sweety. Let me know how you are doing.
Lisa

Craftgrrl
04-20-2008, 10:02 AM
Hi Lisa,
Yeah, me too. After finding out he had been online and not even leaving me a message in response to my messages to him, I was kind of upset. Well, he signed on again on that other website yesterday and no message on Yahoo for me. Also, I found out he no longer has the email address I had been sending messages to. (I usually left offline Yahoo Messenger messages.) Anyway, this is twice he was online without so much as a hello, so I am thinking he was probably not on the up and up. Oh well.....live and learn!!! Thank you for your kind words. And your husband does sound like a sweety - I am really happy for you both! http://www.wahm.com/forum/smileys/smiley1.gif

Craftgrrl
04-26-2008, 06:53 PM
Lisa,
Update! Remember the last I heard was like the 18th I found out he signed on and didn't leave me any message at all. I figured out how to send my Yahoo IM's to my phone. So, he signed on to talk to me today and his IM's went to my phone so we actually had a conversation! It only lasted about 10 min. (it could've been longer, but it took me almost 15 min. to answer his first IM) because he said he had duty call. And that he would try to get online again. We had a nice conversation and he said he would get back online later to talk and he would be able to answer questions. I was at Wal-mart at the time and it was a little difficult to text, although I sure did my best! He told me he tried to move on but every time he tries he feels like he's blowing it. So just when I think I won't hear from him again, he surprises me. Not much of an update, but I thought I would keep you up to speed. If I find out more, I will tell you. Hopefully he will get back on the computer and then I can ask him questions.

Have a good night!

Donna

Mrs1stSgt
04-27-2008, 09:38 AM
Good for you, Don't give up, he may be very legit. and just may not know how to communicate or whatever. I have one falt and that is I still believe in people and I have a huge passion for our soldiers. Hugs to you.
Lisa

Craftgrrl
04-27-2008, 10:18 AM
Aw, Lisa, you're so cute. I really wasn't ready to give up on this man - as you say he may very well be legit.I am not willing to jump to any conclusions unless I have proof to the contrary! I just kept thinking, if he is on the up and up (and it does look like he is) and all he wanted was some compassion and support from me and I didn't give it to him while he is in Iraq fighting for my very freedom, what does that say about me? I, too, believe in people. I guess that was why I was hanging on to find out the truth. I am sure I will get it but in the meantime I will be a supportive friend to him. I think you're an amazing military wife and in this time, we really need women like you to support our troops.

I am hoping to hear more from him now that I can get my Yahoo IM's to my phone. I know I'm being silly, but I make sure my phone is ALWAYS near me now. http://www.wahm.com/forum/smileys/smiley36.gifHugs to you, too!
Donna

Craftgrrl
04-28-2008, 02:37 PM
Lisa,
I couldn't believe it but I heard from him again today! http://www.wahm.com/forum/smileys/smiley1.gifHe sent me the nicest email and said he was retiring soon. I think it's almost time - about a month, I think. He sounded so much happier. I know when we meet (if not sooner) I will get all the answers I was looking for and then we can see how things so between us. IMing and emails are completely different than knowing each other in person,and we are both aware we need to see how we are once he comes home. In the meantime, if I could make his last few weeks there better with my messages, then that is what I am going to do!

Mrs1stSgt
04-28-2008, 04:49 PM
That is great, Please do make his last few weeks better. I am excited to see, hear how it all turns out for you. maybe you can find out where he will be retiring too, and do some research on PTSD groups for him. It will take him a while to readjust to this life. I would say be patient but you really did not have anything to base who he was before. So this may be a great situation.
Lisa

Mrs1stSgt
04-28-2008, 04:49 PM
That is great, Please do make his last few weeks better. I am excited to see, hear how it all turns out for you. maybe you can find out where he will be retiring too, and do some research on PTSD groups for him. It will take him a while to readjust to this life. I would say be patient but you really did not have anything to base who he was before. So this may be a great situation.
Lisa

Craftgrrl
04-28-2008, 07:11 PM
Lisa,

I will certainly keep you posted as to what's going on. I don't know how things will be going once he does come home, but I will be here for the duration. I was also thinking of the PTSD groups, but like you said, I don't know much about who he was before. I do know from his messages he is a great guy now. I know he has a house in Northridge, Calif. that he plans on coming home to, but I don't know what base he was on before he was deployed.

This whole thing has certainly been an interesting adventure. I will keep you posted as anything happens. Who knows? In a year or two, you might be getting a wedding invitation. http://www.wahm.com/forum/smileys/smiley1.gif

Mrs1stSgt
04-29-2008, 10:17 AM
YOU never know that would be fun. It only took my DH and I 6 months to figure it out then we just called a friend who was the mayor of the small town that I am from and my family and some friends and said meet us at the park Saturday morning at 10:00 a.m. beautiful day.
Lisa

Craftgrrl
05-01-2008, 05:49 PM
Lisa, okay.......another quick update. He wrote to me AGAIN the following day, a VERY sweet long message. We both think it's weird this strange connection from the beginning and we talk about that often, like we're trying to figure out why. It's very strange. I'm usually such a level headed cynical kind of person, sothis is taking me by surprise. I am still cautious - well maybe just aware, but I have enjoyed his messages so much. He asked me to send emails to him and I have made a point to send one every day. He said he likes to open his email and see he has messages, that they make him smile. Sometimes I don't know what to say, considering I truly don't know what it is like over there. I don't want to sound silly and trivial but I just write about my day, what I've done, what my kids have done - and I write it as if I am chattering with a friend. He seems to like that. Haven't heard from him yesterday or today and I always worry whybut I never say anything that might make him feel pressured to writemore or to make him feel like he has to reassure ME when he is the one in the war torn country. So does it sound like I'm doing okay in my messages to him? Do you have any suggestions on how or what I should be saying? Thanks so much - hope you're having a wonderful evening!

Donna

Mrs1stSgt
05-02-2008, 10:10 AM
Donna, do exactly what you are doing. They have a lot going on in Iraq and it probably is refreshing to read about something other then the horrible area they are in. Talk about your dreams, your goals, the great person that you are and your great kids.
lisa

Craftgrrl
05-07-2008, 06:13 PM
Lisa, my friend and I have been emailing and IMing SOOOO much since I last posted! I sent you a PM. http://www.wahm.com/forum/smileys/smiley1.gif

all4soulpurpose
06-11-2008, 07:53 AM
Lisa, okay.......another quick update. He wrote to me AGAIN the following day, a VERY sweet long message. We both think it's weird this strange connection from the beginning and we talk about that often, like we're trying to figure out why. It's very strange. I'm usually such a level headed cynical kind of person, sothis is taking me by surprise. I am still cautious - well maybe just aware, but I have enjoyed his messages so much. He asked me to send emails to him and I have made a point to send one every day. He said he likes to open his email and see he has messages, that they make him smile. Sometimes I don't know what to say, considering I truly don't know what it is like over there. I don't want to sound silly and trivial but I just write about my day, what I've done, what my kids have done - and I write it as if I am chattering with a friend. He seems to like that. Haven't heard from him yesterday or today and I always worry whybut I never say anything that might make him feel pressured to writemore or to make him feel like he has to reassure ME when he is the one in the war torn country. So does it sound like I'm doing okay in my messages to him? Do you have any suggestions on how or what I should be saying? Thanks so much - hope you're having a wonderful evening!

Donna

Hi,

I know that I am really late but I had to chime in on this one, I just could not help myself. I hope everything does work out for you and your soldier. Love is a wonderful thing when you are with the right person no matter how you meet. My first love was a military soldier and we met online as well. He is someone I will never forget.

Stick with it and when e-mailing him just be yourself. You can even send him video messages via www.oovoo.com (http://www.oovoo.com) which allows you to record and send a link via e-mail. He'll enjoy it. Send jokes, poems, stories from dreams you've had, your day at work, things that are bothering you, things you hope for, etc. Just pour it out, it will help him get to know you better.

Never give up on something unless you find out that you truly need to. Again, I hope that everything goes well for you and I wish you the best.