So you're a work-at-home mother, and you're having problems with your marriage. The D-word has been floating around, and you're worried about how to deal with divorce. Divorce can be a trying time for anyone, but it doesn't have to be bitter. Here are some things you can do as a WAHM to deal with divorce amicably.
Keep a Cool Head
Divorce can be an emotional process for everyone involved, and it's easy to let your emotions get out of control. Don't let your emotions take you over and control your decisions. Stay calm and rational. Even if your ex cannot control his emotions, do not allow him to make you lose your cool. Set a good example for him and your children.
Do not disagree just to spite your ex. If he brings up a valid point, tell him so. Not only will this help him realize that you are not out to get him, but also will make him more willing to compromise.
Don't brag to him or any of your mutual friends about new people or lifestyle changes in your life. Your ex could becomes threatened or resentful, making future dealings with him more difficult.
Don't Fight "To Win"
If you fight only to get the upper hand on your ex, it will only cause him to fight back. This creates an unhealthy cycle of power plays that can be damaging to both of your for years. Even if you do manage "to win" this way, it will forever destroy your relationship with your ex. Remember that he will still be a part of your life in regards to raising your children. Always consider the effect your actions will have on them.
Find a Good Lawyer
Since you're not focused on trying "to win," avoid any lawyer who sells you themselves by promising that. A good lawyer should be able to properly educate you about your rights, according to divorce law in your state. It is also important to find a lawyer who knows the judges in your county. They can advise you on how the judge typically rules in certain matters.
Meet on Neutral Ground
There may be times when it is necessary to meet with your ex. Always make sure that these meetings take place in a neutral location. Meeting at the home you shared together can bring up painful memories, or stir up emotions that may cause actions you will regret later. Furthermore, meeting at an ex's new place can lead to painful questions or speculations that might be better left unanswered for the time being.
Compromise in Writing
Whenever you and your ex agree to any terms of the divorce, get it in writing. Both of you should sign and date the documentation. It helps to have your agreements in writing so that if there are any disputes later on, you will prevent any "he said, she said" situations.
Take Care of Yourself
Dealing with divorce is stressful, so please don't forget to take care of yourself. Don't stay at home and dwell; go out and do things you've always wanted to do. Make sure to eat right and stay rested. When you're healthy, you are more likely to keep your cool. Finally, look to your friends for moral support. Don't be afraid to open up. Just remember to talk about other subjects as well. Your friends are there to help, not to be a punching bag to release your frustrations.
Compromise is the key to an amicable divorce. Stay educated, keep your cool, and take care of yourself. If you do these things, you can keep your divorce less painful and salvage the relationship with a man who was important to you.