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Dating after Divorce: The Dos and Don'ts

 

Dating after divorce can be a tricky prospect for a variety of reasons. While there are no specific rules, there are some tips that can come in handy with regard to re-entering the world of the dating scene after becoming divorced.

Do Ensure that You are Ready

Probably the most important tip for divorced persons returning to dating is to ensure that you are able to set aside all of the emotional baggage that sometimes lurks, before confronting the idea of going out with people again. It is perfectly natural to have an array of emotions to deal with, and it is equally normal to take as much time as is necessary to deal with your feelings until you are comfortable to take the next step.

Don't let Anyone Force You into Dating Prematurely

Really take the time to deal with how you feel. Spend enough time with yourself, close friends, family and professionals, if need be. Start a new hobby that you've always wanted to try. This will allow you the time to meet new friends and mingle on a non-committal basis. Trying to skip that step can cause unnecessary discomfort, so try not to force the issue. It is sometimes common that well-meaning friends, co-workers and family may try to "fix you up," or insist that you go out on dates before you feel ready.

Do Develop New Friendships First

One of the best strategies for returning to dating after a divorce is to make new friends. Find groups of people that like to do the same things that you like. Try to find some new things to do to alleviate boredom or to become more social. When you join into activities, you will probably find new single friends, as well. New single friends can eventually turn into dates, and usually also offer a great resource to meet other new friends.

Don't Disrespect Yourself

Proceed with caution when you decide to go on dates. One area to be aware of is personal information. Be wary of anyone who asks too many personal questions or insists upon knowing personal business that you would not like to share just yet. Going slowly when sharing personal information not only conveys a strong sense of self-respect, but the mystery can be very intriguing to other people. Keeping personal details at a minimum is the best way until you feel comfortable enough to let them be known.

Do Meet Different Types of People

Trying new things is an excellent strategy for any newly divorced person. Rather than remain boxed in to the "type" you may feel that you are attracted to, try to change old thought processes so that you can broaden your scope. Doing so will probably pleasantly surprise you, as you discover new types of people that are interesting to be with and get to know.

Don't Get Attached Too Early

When a divorced person rediscovers the dating scene, it can be easy to get attached before it is really appropriate. Realize that one date does not create a relationship, and coming on too strongly can be a turn-off. There will be times when not everyone you date will be interested in going on a second date. Be prepared for this to happen and be in a position to move on to another person. Being willing to go through a process of elimination is an important aspect of dating.

Don't Forget to Flirt

Flirting is a part of dating that sometimes gets overlooked, particularly by people re-entering the dating scene. Being playful is a great way to show a sense of humor and get to know new people. Showing vitality is a great way to start, while avoiding getting too serious early on. Keep things light and in the moment.

Do have Fun

Always remember that dating should be fun. It shouldn't be a task that you don't look forward to or feel like too much work or energy. If you're not looking forward to seeing someone, especially if you've already gone out once or more with them, chances are you shouldn't be dating them. Dating should be light hearted and something that allows you to free your mind and just have a good time. There is plenty of time to become more serious when the right moment comes.

When anyone becomes newly single again, it is important to try to balance life before making social commitments. Often, there is a void that feels like it needs to be filled. First and foremost, ensure that enough time is made for yourself, as well as for friends and family, before returning to the dating scene. It is best to only date when you feel you are ready to.

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