There is no such thing as working at home.

Really. It doesn't exist. It's not possible. And who are you kidding anyway?

Says who?, you ask?? Just Everybody.

You know Everybody...as in "Everybody says..."

Everybody knows you watch game shows and soap operas all day.

Everybody's sure you can handle this errand. After all,what are you doing that's so important?

Everybody's so glad you're at home...would you watch little Daemon for a few hours?

Everybody gets a good laugh at this "work-at-home" thing, because Everybody will tell you that Everybody has to work for a living. (By the way, when are you getting a *real* job?)

Nosirree, no such thing...Instead, there's...

Slavery-at-home.

Forget what they say about Lincoln. Who gets the grocery list, picks up the kids, drops off the dry cleaning and prepares a sumptuous meal replete with exquisite delicacies, a breathtaking sensual delight?

Oh, okay...but who opens those cans???

And all at the same time, you have those annoying, trivial "work-at-home" details...

Scheduling appointments, meeting with clients (on and/or offline!), answering e-mails, processing orders, conducting marketing campaigns, toting barges, lifting bales...

No, my friend, this "work-at-home" fantasy is only a dream. How, in reality, can someone rise in the morning and *not* jet off to a forced enclosure where you are carefully guarded and scrutinized by "bosses" and "superiors" who zealously hoard the money you earn and pay a position (not you!) what they determine it to be worth.

How, in reality, can someone enjoy a moment of reflection, introspection or distraction that is *not* rigidly scheduled and officially ordained, where your "co-workers" hurriedly gulp, gobble and gossip before returning to the tasks/projects/assemblywork arbitrarily assigned without regard to their interests or desires?

How, in reality, can someone enjoy the comforts of their own home in a place uniquely theirs and a destiny they create and *not* embark on a crowded, frustrating, lengthy and perilous trek to and from this foreign place where, despite their diligence and loyalty, they can find themselves cast out by authorities unseen and unknown through no fault of their own?

(Oops! Fell off my soapbox...Insert your favorite dream here.)

Nosirree, working at home is a liberating, self-actualizing, creatively fulfilling, ultimately challenging and supremely rewarding dream. But, you know...dreams aren't for Everybody.

&copy2001 Dan Reinhold

Dan Reinhold is a forty-something work-at-home dad of two sons and the husband of one wife. They all work for the cat.
Dan will be launching a work-at-home humor website...and you can help! Send your comments, suggestions, cartoons, stories, jokes about working at home to [email protected]. Suggest a name for the site, and you may win the "Name That Website" contest!