Private folder for spousal abuse ...

[Fritzer]

I was physically abused by a "boyfriend" when I was young. 25 years ago. The memories never go away. The fear in those memories is all too real. The sick thing is I ALMOST was lost in one of those relationships again. I wasn't hit...yet. That was about 7 years ago. I was in a relationship and living with the man. He was supporting me. I should have known by the way he spoke to and of his mother and sisters, but I put it off as family resentments. Turned around and did it to me. He was terribly verbally abusive. He'd say the most horrid things and when I tried to stick up for myself, he'd simply tell me "If you don't like it, leave." Knowing full well I had nowhere to go, not really. He did agree to go to couple's counseling for about two sessions. When they pointed out his comments, which he admitted to making and at that time admitted how awful they sounded and how cruel they were. Still, at home he claimed to have felt attacked by them, after all, they had no idea what I put him through (Yeah, right) Privately they urged me to seek refuge at a shelter, apartment share, anything.


Finally after a suprise lock changing incident in an effort to prove his all-mighty control, that was it. I called someone for a huge favor and took the steps to rebuild my life and be self-suffient once again.


Like I said, all the fears and memories are so strong. I just wrote a loooooooooooooooong post that I decided to delete and retype most of it.


I hope you feel better. Are you getting counseling? I'm sorry if you mentioned it, my mind went to another place

[Jolly]

Loli and Fritzer thank yu both so much.


And Loli your loss in impossible for me to imagine..although my sister did have someone attempt to murder her and he did succeed in murdering someone else right there in her living room. HE is in prison now.


And I get a chuckle out of you naughty naughty loli... with your mysterious tomato plants coming.


Fritzer thank you for saying that you too have thoughts and fear even so much later. I am going to really concentrate on letting "THE BIG GUY " upstairs help me release that fear.. It MUST not be of much use after all these years now can it.


I think how quickly these 25 years have sped.. and hope I have at least another 25 to enjoy the blessings that I have.. So one or two days of back flashes a year.. ..at least we are out of it ...right? I hope all women and children and men too are safe tonight. Wouldn't it be wonderful..ONE night of no violence?

[Fritzer]

Yes, it would be. If you're near NY you've no doubt heard of the two recent cases of innocent children being beaten to death. So horrible.


Not long ago a woman was discussing her abuse issues in a group of women. In her mind she can't leave him because she fears he'll kill himself and knows it for a "fact" because he tried it once. Listen to this one, the guy is over 6 foot. To prove how serious he was in his suicide threats he jumped out the SECOND FLOOR window of the building her office is located in, right outside her first floor window. I think he sprained or broke his arm. Paleeeeeese. I tried to explain to her that he was only trying to manipulate her, he never tried to KILL himself. A big guy like that? Second Floor? I'm certain that he hung out the second floor window sill, feet dangling just above her office windowand dropped the 15 or whatever feet, knowing he wouldn't get hurt all too much. All theatrics.


My sister; however, was in a relationship with someone who threatened if she walked out the door he would shoot himself and he did. Long time of therapy for her. She knewintellectually it was not her fault and she was not responsible, but still it was hard to get through.


Then you have the men (like I did) who want to control you, want to keep you down, won't "let" you go to school or get a good job, anything that will enable you to grow they're against. So many women accept these abusive beginnings as okay. The real reason is that if you do better and feel better about yourself, you'll realize what scum they are. As time goes on, men will chip away at their self-esteem and -- well, you know the rest.

[roguebabe]

Been there, done that. After having 2 of my children killed, 7 miscarriages and too many hospitalizations to mention - I finally had the strength to get out. It's been over 5 years but I'm finally making it. I've got a great husband and wonderful children. To those of you out there who are still going through it, be strong! I know it's hard to make it through some of the days and I'm sure you are scared but you CAN make it out of there. Know that so many of us pray for those we know are still in the bad situations. My love to all who are there and all who have been there...

[Jolly]

oh rogurbabe..unbelievable.. I amprobably notgoingtobea regualr every day personon here.. just come tohang with my sisters nowand then.. you have all helped me so much today.. And when tose fears come.. they come. But tonight..well toneight my husband..knowing that thisis the 25th anniversary of the last straw with my first spouse..well he broughtme a rose..


and gues swhat ..when he referred to my first husabnd ..who eventually died a horrible death he said he got what was coming ot him.. and I could not agre. Which makes me feel God is working in my heart. I do not know a lot of bible verses but this has been helping me.. Roamns 15 /13 oor 13 /15 see I don't know..


"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him so you may overflow with hope by the power of the holy spirit"


Think about it a heart full ..chock plumb full.. of ALL joy and peace.. no fears .. no bitterness. no bad memories.. no regrets.. no pain... and you overflowing with hope... nice.. overflowing hope nice.

[roguebabe]

*Hugs* I do not wish any harm to those that have harmed me. That's not the way it's supposed to be. I do pity those types of people though. I feel that they will never truly know love, forgiveness or how to care. Each night I pray for those who are abused and those who are abusing...Especially when children are involved. It's hard growing up in an abusive household and it's even harder to be married to an abuser. If there's ever anything I can do to help, please let me know. Be strong, be safe and know you are loved!

[Jolly]

sorry I have bad fingers at times.. and this puter was so slow.. i think I choked it with typos. typing from the heart makes typos for me. I do not know how to do a spell check on these boards.. I cannot access it on my puter to go to my posts. so apologies.

[Fritzer]

The little button that says abc and a check mark is the spell check. I've tried to use it, but it didn't work for me.

[Jolly]

ojay isee it white nowandIam puttinginerrors on purpose so you wil all see if it dorks.


well i went through the motions to download the spellcheck and when I hit the button I still get a message saying spellcheck not detected. Thanks anyway.

[loli]

I beleive it is offering to down load it for you. Try clicking ok and there should then be on screen prompts directing how to load. I'ts up to you if you want it to be downloaded. Talk to ya later ..