Private folder for spousal abuse ...

[rebex]

Originally Posted by Ilanne

I actually started writing out everything that happened to me as a story when I was ...

I couldn't agree more! Writing things down and putting my thoughts, experiences, etc... down on paper has been a great outlet for me over the years. Often times I end up tearing the pages up, but I always feel better after I get things out.


I have found that writing things out helps me to sort things out and stay sane sometimes!


I also agree with counseling, I spent many years in counseling. The thing to know about this is that you may have to shop around, and sometimes a lot until you find one that you are comfortable with. And, there's a HUGE difference between a psychologist, counselor and psychiatrist! Don't settle until you found what/who you are comfortable with. Good Bless![img]smileys/smiley2.gif[/img]

[hk995]

I too some times write things down and feel better then tear them up and go on withmy daily life! I find it very relaxing.

[2cusmile]

[img]smileys/smiley4.gif[/img]Cheryl that is great i think that is really cool

[CarolRoss]

There is SUCH a need for this type of support! So many women suffer quietly, not knowing where to turn. In many cases even their own friends and family don't believe them, since the abuser often is a pro at putting on a front - such a charming facade.
A quote from Dr. Phil: "The true measure of the quality of a man, is how he treats his wife when no one is looking."

and more from Lundy Bancroft..."Abuse and respect are diametric opposites. You do not respect someone you abuse, and you do not abuse someone you respect. He's not angry because he's abusive, he's abusive because he is angry."

I'd very highly recommend the book ."Why Does He DO That?" by Lundy Bancroft for victims of any type of abuse. Others who have written good stuff on this topic include: Patricia Evans, Sam Vaknin, and Mary Jo Fay.

Thanks to some good counseling and reading, I'm making good progress in the journey toward healing. Wishing the strength to do the same. You deserve peace and self-respect.

[CarolRoss]

Can he change???

Just had to post again on this question. I used to wonder the same all the time. Mine even went to counseling. The sad fact is that VERY FEW EVER CHANGE at all. Most who even GO to counseling are there due to a court order, not by choice, and if he never admits to himself that HE has a serious problem - not a chance of fixing it.[img]smileys/smiley19.gif[/img] Be prepared for more dramatics as he PRETENDS to have changed. If yours ever does, he's maybe one in a million. Meanwhile, do NOT allow the abuse to continue. Do whatever it takes to protect yourself and your children.

[luchsbuz]

Thanks for your supportive comments CarolRoss and it is very true the abuser will try to convince you that you are the one that needs the Counselling as there is nothing wrong with them. As you continue with your Counselling and emotionally you will be pulling away from your partner;they can sense this and the abuse will increase and get worse until they are able to truly and honestly admit their problem and being the one abused I'm not sure I would believe it. Abuse destroys relationships. It is very important to plan your escape route ahead of time and have important personal items including cash hidden somewhere that you can easily retreave should you get the opportunity to run. In my situation my opportunities to run came usually in the wee hours of the morning when my abuser had fallen into a drunken sleep. After a few of these types of escapes Iplanned ahead until I found the courage to run and not return.I cannot say enough good things towards the role of the Transition Houses. My stay at one had a major positive impact on helping me to start all over again and I had to literally start over again. I had my job and part of my planning ahead was first of all to set up a separate bank account to have my cheques coming to. My support goes to all you out there who are working towards being free of abuse. [img]smileys/smiley31.gif[/img]

[CarolRoss]

Originally Posted by luchsbuz

Thanks for your supportive comments CarolRoss and it is very true the abuser will try to convince you that you are the one that needs the Counselling as there is nothing wrong with them.* As you continue with your Counselling and emotionally you will be pulling away from your partner;*they can sense this and the abuse will increase and get worse until they are able to truly and honestly admit their problem and being the one abused I'm not sure I would believe it.* Abuse destroys relationships.* * [img]smileys/smiley31.gif[/img]


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SO true!!! 'you are the messed up one' is a common tactic - yes, I got that, too, in many ways. The point you made about 'pulling away' is critical - because nothing else works, even if that just means to remain aloof and give the outward impression that it doesn't bother you (even though of course, it does). That said, this works ONLY along with setting VERY firm boundaries and reinforcing them repeatedly.

I'd like to know how to access the private board for further discussion, think it said to send an IM for that. IM is not something I use, guess I could figure out how it works - already on overload with cyber tools and prefer not to deal with IM if I can avoid it.

By the way, mine moved out last May - on Mother's Day, in fact - that speaks volumes in itself, doesn't it? My kids are handling it all actually better than I'd expected. It's way more peaceful around here now.

[WhoIsRenee_com]

I was in a verbally/mentally abusive relationship for much longer then I should have, but I was told, like many others I'm sure, that I couldn't get anything better, he lied always about the finances, his gambling, his sports betting, it was just one thing after another. At times I thought I was going so crazy, I was so upset. Be very careful if your in a situation like that, you can end up saying things you don't really mean, doing things you might regret, or better yet, get in real trouble for. It's so much better to try to get out.

Hugs to all my WAHM Family.[img]smileys/smiley31.gif[/img]

Renee

[smls]

Ok, some info about me.

June 9th, 1995 I removed the truck from the yard when my ex was drunk and wanted to go meet his pals. When I got back he had broken every window in the house including the sliding glass doors, mugs and well if it was glass it was history. He had also cut the telephone line so I was unable to call 911. He was waiting for me with one of his trophies.

Needless to say my face, head and back took awhile to heal. I had 3 mamograms because my right breast was badly injured...

I was able to get away but to this day there are glass shrads still working there way out of my feet. The first 3 years I was on diability (PTSD). Then I went back to work, I had had a cleaning company prior to this but I was too afraid to be alone. 6 of my animals had been killed and I just knew if he caught me alone I would be too. I attended 2 different DV centers and was the first woman in this state granted a restraining order that is part and parcel of the the divorce decree (It had been up until that time you had to renew the restraining order yearly.)

January 2005 - He broke the restraining order by calling me to say he was leaving the state. He has left the state and for the past 2 years I have been starting to rebuild my life. I started another cleaning company, have been able to keep the roof over my head and food on the table. But the fact that he called still affects me. It is like knowing he hasn't let go... that he is still lurking...

With this said, I have learnt so much and continue to learn more everyday. If you need someone, I am here...

[Ummtalhah]

hi i am new here. Thsi is my first post an di can understand totally if i don;t get acces to this board but i really need it. I am so lost rigth now an di came to this site to look for an option for myself to make money. I am in an abusive marriage and i do not work i have no college degree i have 2 kids and i am 6 months pregnant. I need to speka with women who hav ebeen in my situation so if i can i have acces i woudl really appreciate it. My name is Michelle