Private folder for spousal abuse ...

[IndigoBlue68]

Do you think it's fair for your daughter to see her daddy yelling at you so much? No matter how you look at it, someone will get hurt. But if you want her in a better environment, perhaps you should seriously consider the possibility you need to move on and and give him visitation rights. I did not have kids with my ex, so I can't say I understand what you are going through. But I do know women who have moved on with their children and made a better life for themselves.

Whenyou do decide to leave, be sure it is somewhere safe since it sounds like your afraid of "what he'll do to you if you leave". That is not a healthy relationship. That I do understand, been there myself. Most importantly, be safe, not just for yourself, but for your daughter.The number for the National Domestic Abuse hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

Just remember, you don't have to be hit to be hurt. Emotional and verbal abuse can run deeper and cause more pain then the physical. No one deserves to be treated like this. Keep us posted.

[Trini]

you are very right. I keep telling him that it is not healthy to be yelling at me in the first place and its worse that he's doing it infront of your DD. I told him I dont want her to grow up thinking that either yelling is proper means of commuincation or that a man yelling at her is okay. His response is always, if you dont want me to yell dont aggravate me. I am afraid of him, so most of the time lately i just leave him alone completely. I stay away from him when he gets home. He wonders why I'm doing that and I tell him its because I'd rather not talk to him then have him yell at me.

[IndigoBlue68]

You can't live your life in a glass cage, worrying if you breath wrong, is he going to be "aggravated" and fly off the handle. The cycle of violence will get worse over time unless he gets help with anger control management or you decide to pick up and move on.

You can have the police there to protect you if you need it (after getting a restraining order) when you gather your stuff to leave. I hope it doesn't go that far, but you deserve a better life. I'm not a professional counselor, but from personal experience, you need to get some help. Life is too short to worry about what other people say or think.

[IndigoBlue68]

I just noticed you're up in Canada, I'm in Seattle, WA US. So I'm sure the laws are a bit different there. There's got to be some resources or counselors you can go to or call for advise and help. I'm worried about you and I hope everything goes for the best.

[Trini]

I"m looking into help. i've contacted a few places about my rights. I want to leave and just hide, but now looking into it i could be charged for kidnapping. I don't know what to do. But i can tell you this. I'm not going to let his "good" cycle get me again. I want to live the life i deserve, i want to be able to speak my mind, and i want to be with someone one day who will treat me better than him. I can't walk on egg shells, what am i going to do when DD is older will she have to walk on egg shells as well? i can't have her living her life like that.

[eddywj]

So much agreed, Cheryl! For some sensitive reasons, some personal relationship issues should not be shared to general public .

[Mamiof3]

Originally Posted by Trini

I"m looking into help. i've contacted a few places about my rights. I want to leave and just hide, but now looking into it i could be charged for kidnapping. I don't know what to do. But i can tell you this. I'm not going to let his "good" cycle get me again. I want to live the life i deserve, i want to be able to speak my mind, and i want to be with someone one day who will treat me better than him. I can't walk on egg shells, what am i going to do when DD is older will she have to walk on egg shells as well? i can't have her living her life like that.

Just a suggestion.

Did you get a hold of Community Services? I know they can not help you until you are actually out, but there's such a thing as Child Protection.

Not sure it may be of any good, but atleast they would be able to tell you what your rights are and perhaps what the steps are you should be taking to get out of a bad situation.

It never hurts to get some advice from people who deal with this sort of stuff.

Good luck to you!

Susanna

[karlat620]

To all of you,

How strong and brave you all are! I am proud to be part of this online community and so blessed by Cheryl's determination to open this forum. I have been in those same shoes once before, now I have rebuilts my life. I have a wonderful husband and 2 amazing children but I have to agree the fears are always lurking around the corner. Be strong and have faith in our Lord, through him all things are possible.

My prayers and blessings are headed your way!

[Trini]

I just wanted to let you all know that i left last week he took it better than expected thanks to his dad who is on my side. I'm doing good and plan on staying that way. Thanks for all of your prayers.

[Mamiof3]

Trini, great to hear you have support and are doing well!
I'll keep you in my prayers!
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