View Full Version : Husband & Wife not attending same church
09-07-2008, 06:08 PM
What are your thoughts about a husband and wife who do not attend the samechurch? I'm the wife, and am considering going somewhere else. We have 3 school age children.
09-07-2008, 08:13 PM
09-08-2008, 05:04 AM
I actually know families who are interfaith families who do it succesfully. The key from what I have been told is communication and openness and insuring that intentions and purposes are clear and that there isn't a feeling of competition or pulling away from the commitment to each other.
It is easier to attend have the same Church association and to attend the same Church but, it isn't healthy for one person to go, not getting what they need from the experience with ever growing resentment and it's also not fair to drag the other spouse from an experience that might be the place that is the right fit spritually for him/her.
If there was a third alternative that both could agree to it would be a positive alternate but most couples I know don't find that either ends up getting what they need and they return to their original home churches.
09-08-2008, 12:01 PM
Unity is very important in a family and even in a church family. There are numerous scriptures on unity and making every effort to keep the unity in families and churches so it's not a good idea.
09-08-2008, 12:46 PM
My pastor once called it Spiritually missmatched.
I pray that you can make it work. I know it's hard. Luckily my husband
wasn't a full on Catholic but was raised in the Catholic
church. I was raised in a Christian Church. We love our Southern
Baptist church ( we actually thought it was a non-denominational church
the first 3 years we attended) LOL
09-10-2008, 07:32 AM
My husband & I have been married for 13+ years & have always went to a different church. We are in the same faith & have the same beliefs but choose to go to different places to worship. We have 2 kids and they ususally go with me. In the beginning it was hard for him but we now have no issues. I try to go with him when I can or when something special is going on but other than that we are good. I will make sure that the communication stays open & you both agree that this is okay. Make sure you pray about it, asking God for his guidance & that you both are in agreement & everything will be fine.
09-13-2008, 01:46 PM
My personal conviction about this is that the husband is the head of the family and thereby chooses the place of worship. Believe me, this is a battle of mine! We moved to his hometown last year. First, we went to the church where he wanted to go and where his best friend attended. We went for 3 months and we both agreed it was not the right place. Then, we went to the church where I was drawn to and had made several friends. He was miserable. So...a couple of months ago, we started attending where his best friend has recently become associate pastor (not the first church, but a different one). I chose to go with him there strictly because he is the head of the family. He is SO happy there--different as night and day. I am so happy to see him flourishing. Personally, I can be content anywhere and my joy comes from God Himself not the local church.
My advice is to pray, however. Pray that God will move in whosever heart needs to change--you or your husband. God can take care of the situation. It's best to stay unified.
09-13-2008, 08:25 PM
Is there a reason why you want to go to a different church? Do you not feel it is "home?" Have you talked it over with your husband?
Sometimes your church is not your home. And if you have to find your home it will take time. But if you are leaving church because you don't get along with the people or have some spiritual insight, you may want to discuss it with your husband and pray on it.
Do not let tradition keep you bound in a church setting and not getting fed. You can't just ignore what the holy spirit may be telling you. But make sure you pray about it and talk it over with your hubby.
I don't agree with the head of the family thing. Cause what if your hubby felt comfortable in a church full of lies and deceit...what would the resolution be to that?
Christ is the head of the church and I believe where you go needs to bear witness with you and your husband. But you shouldn't be stuck somewhere you are not getting fed. It's all about the reasons.
09-15-2008, 05:31 PM
I was coming back to tell you an update about our situation, but now I'm going to have to comment about the "head of the family thing". Absolutely a husband (or wife)can be comfortable in a church of lies and deceit and that is why I advised to pray. Only God can move in hearts and that is what would be needed. I prefer to leave it to God.
And now the rest of my story...I looked around at the church my husband chose (which is not a church of lies and deceit thankfully!) this past Sundayand since we have been attending there (about 2 months) FOUR of my very favorite people I've met in the town have starting attending there! God is good! He is taking care of me and my husband. I believe He has blessed my submission.
09-15-2008, 09:12 PM
I'm happy for you that it all worked out. When you seek to honor God, He does lead and provide direction, it seems.
09-18-2008, 12:35 PM
Hi, I believe that some problems may occur when both of you have a discussion ofthe bible, but with an opened mind and "respect," the relationship could work. I know aman at my churchwhose wife attend another churchand they are doing just fine, but on the other hand, I know another couple who did the same and ended up in divorce. My best friend is a christian and her husband is jewish and both celebrates each other's holidays. She attends church, and he's not devoted to his, so maybe there's nothingfor them to dispute about - They have been married for years and still going strong. Tough situation - hope it works out for both of you. God Bless. Vivian
09-19-2008, 09:10 PM
We've tried going to different churches - unsuccessfully.
I've found that once I submitted to my husbands headship, and attended along with him, our family was blessed.
More peace, more harmony ... our family life has been much more pleasant.