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I KNOW how to make a party plan business work. I KNOW how do play with numbers in order to make a six-figure income. I can motivate others when they are feeling down about making their business a success. I KNOW what needs to be done. I have PLENTY of why's. I have a HUGE need for more money to get out of doubt and build the kind of life I want. I KNOW what needs to be done...afterall I have been talking it up for the past 10 years....

So then why can't I bring myself to get out there and do it? I would LOVE to know what is wrong with me. http://wahm.com/forum/smileys/smiley6.gif

You have what is called a competing committment. You are committed to doing what you need to do, but there is a deeper committment that you are keeping, that apparently you aren't aware of.

Most people have them somewhere in their lives. For example, I was there too, just like what you're doing...but a LOT of times I just couldn't find childcare in order to network, or get out there.

After a bit, working with someone, my competing committment ended up being that I was concerned that the whole point of me being home was to be with my children, and by doing my business, I wasn't 'being' with my children, and subconsciously felt I was letting my children down.

It's heavy, but once you find that committment you can start to work on it. For many, it's a competing committment that they are concerned about not being liked, or lack of approval....

Edited by: Candlemama

Hey, don't beat yourself up on this. Just maintain your belief in YOU first, your product & company second, and BELIEVE that what you have to offer is a true gift. People buy YOU first before the buy what it is you are selling or offering. Like draws like. You just haven't been in front of enough of the "right" people for your business. Accept some won't be interested (in bookingparties, your oppty) and move on to find the ones that will. Make your belief so strong that it will easily find it's way into anything you do.

There's nothing wrong with you; you just identified that you may need to work harder on you. Weall have weaknesses. No one person works this industry perfectly.

I have a set of notes I put together from a motivational/sales event I was atlast month. If you'd like to have it (or anyone else), PM me your address and I'll gladly share with you.

Now smile, stay focused, and allow yourself to grow! http://www.wahm.com/forum/smileys/smiley4.gif

Find a buddy who is strong in what you perceive are your weaknesses! It is amazing what happens when you do that. My former Director and I complimented each other perfectly and we kept each other accountable for what our goals were.The support was awesome and I made a friend for life in the process!

The book Unstoppable Women also helped me break down my goals in 30 days. I started small and then went from there. You can use this for all aspects of your life.

Believe in yourself and your dreams!Edited by: jmeauxspaqueen

Well, if you figure it out, let me know too because I have the SAME problem as you!!!http://wahm.com/forum/smileys/smiley5.gif

Same problem here! http://www.wahm.com/forum/smileys/smiley1.gif

Pat

MAYBE... and this is a BIG maybe...

There is a belief issue here? There is a huge difference in "knowing how to" and "believing this is the way to" accomplish the goal before me.

My example: I have an entrepreneurial spirit inside of me that just won't shut up! I don't want to work a 9-5 job, I don't want to get paid for an hourly position and retire someday with a little in my pocket... now that I know what I DON'T want--what DO I want? I want freedom!!! I want to earn a great income that provides me the freedom to do what I want to do and make a difference in my family's world. I have read about all the people in different direct selling companies making 100's of thousands of dollars just by selling to their friends and families... so I thought THAT was my ticket to freedom! So I searched and searched and searched......AND SEARCHED......... for the right opportunity. In the end, (no kidding, it's been over 10 yrs since I came into this industry!) I've found this industry is more about the fun and discount for me than the earning opportunity. So, I have joined 3 companies that I believe in and use the products on a regular basis and can honestly promote.

Will I ever be a "squillionaire" (Shopaholic book analogy)? Not from this industry, because this model doesn't work for my belief system. BUT, I love it because it's fun. You have to find a model that WORKS for your belief system.

NOTE: I did start a business just last week, but it's a physical business. If you've seen the teeth whitening kiosks popping up in the malls across the country, that's what I've started doing! I opened a Bleachbright business in my area!!! Super excited about that!

Best of luckto you!
Kim

I totally feel your pain, I think I just have no confidence. If you get any ideas on how to improve let me know http://www.wahm.com/forum/smileys/smiley2.gif

Jhanna - that was a great response! I don't think it has anything to do with lack of self esteem, lack of confidence or belief system. I think Jhanna hit the nail on the head. There is something that we are not even aware of that is holding us back - the subconscious mind over riding our good self esteem, positive confidence and positive beliefs in ourselves.

I'm going to do some real soul searching to find out what my competing commitment is!

Since you've been through it do you have any suggestions?

Thanks again for a very insightful post.

Jhanna - that was a great response! I don't think it has anything to do with lack of self esteem, lack of confidence or belief system. I think Jhanna hit the nail on the head. There is something that we are not even aware of that is holding us back - the subconscious mind over riding our good self esteem, positive confidence and positive beliefs in ourselves.

I'm going to do some real soul searching to find out what my competing commitment is!

Since you've been through it do you have any suggestions?

Thanks again for a very insightful post.

That was an EXCELLENT post...I agree. My self esteem is pertty good. I think what I am offering is wonderful (fundraisers = CASH for that group).

I need to inside of myself and figure this out.

I thought it was just me....

Janette - it is definitely not just you!

I've read somewhere that sometimes we're so used to "failing", or not used to doing well in a business, that we almost have a fear of succeeding. As if succeeding will put us in a position that is unknown to us, and as with most "unknowns", it can be quite scary. I know, to a certain extent, this is me. It's a matter of acknowledging this and moving on. It's about time I got HUGELY uncomfortable! LOL I still feel that 2008 will be a great, positive, turning point for me.

I've read somewhere that sometimes we're so used to "failing", or not used to doing well in a business, that we almost have a fear of succeeding. As if succeeding will put us in a position that is unknown to us, and as with most "unknowns", it can be quite scary. I know, to a certain extent, this is me. It's a matter of acknowledging this and moving on. It's about time I got HUGELY uncomfortable! LOL I still feel that 2008 will be a great, positive, turning point for me.

I agree with this!I havea problem about fearing success,but am slowly working on ithttp://www.wahm.com/forum/smileys/smiley9.gifI was successful one time,with one business and I think I often sabatoge myself,not making the time for my business and not enough time working on myself...excellent post Gina.http://www.wahm.com/forum/smileys/smiley1.gifIm going back to working my business the way I used to(5 years ago)I also agree that 2008 will be a good year.

Nope, I have this problem too! Only in my case, it has now come down to trying to figure out just what it is that I want to do to get to that end goal! I think I have a variety of fears: making phone calls to get bookings (hate to feel like I am bothering people!) and also some lack of confidence on my part - I know what I need to do but can I really do it? Is this the right time to do it? I worked in the mental health field for a few years before staying home with my daughter, and believe me, I way over analyze everything!

Angie

Isn't that interesting, Gina, because fear of Success can ABSOLUTELY be part of a competing commitment. If you ask someone WHY they are afraid of success...many times the TRUE issue comes out...'people won't like me'.


People won't like me because.....'they will think I'm a snob', 'they will think I've changed', 'they will feel threatened', 'I don't want to bother them', etc.
The competing commitment there is a fear of not being liked, even if it's with people we don't know,and thereforewe will subconsciously do thingssoto remain likeable, such as not working our business.

See how it works?

Competing commitments can beso subtle, and it takes a while to get to thereal reason, it's usually best done with a few other people, because that competing committment will hide itself to you, but others can see it so easily. So they will be able to help you discover what it is.

But I'll be for several of us, if we just sit with this for a while, we'll discover that it applies to most of us.

This is a good blog post on the subject.

competing commitments (http://www.blog.neverthesamerivertwice.com/2007/05/27/self-sabotage-and-competing-commitments/)

I learned about competing commitments when I attended a week long seminar with Brian Klemmer. It was AMAZING, and really helped me to discover that I even HADcompeting commitments.Edited by: Candlemama

Wow!!!! This is all too true. As I am reading all the messages, I can't help but think they are all from women....am I right?

I turn every thing I hear about into a business adventure....that is, in my head. I am very creative and have lots of great ideas on how to make a business work....but why don't I do it. I tire myself out with all that goes on in my head....but nothing ever actually gets done. I know part of my frustration with myself is that I am not organized and I just keep spinning my wheels and getting nowhere because of it.

Maybe, we should all make a pact with each other and stop making excuses and worry about failing. What is the worst that can happen....we will fail? Aren't we failing ourselves for not trying. We need to focus on keeping only positive people around us as the negative ones will keep us down. Maybe some group therapy would help! http://www.wahm.com/forum/smileys/smiley31.gif

Good luck to you all!

Jane

Wishing all of us success and good fortune.

Make a better life for yourself and your loved ones!!

Here's to a better life.
Robin

Janette,

We have all been where you are at some time. The changing point for me came when a friend gave me a copy of the book See You At The Top by Zig Ziglar. Success training has since become my favorite thing to read. I've always been a pretty positive person,but I've had a gradual shift in they way I think about things, especially my well meaning family who are always trying to find me a "real job" LOL.

What Gina and Jhanna said about fear of success and competing commitments is absolutely true. Attitude and goal setting are very important. If you can identify what is holding you back, you will soar!

You CAN do it!

http://www.wahm.com/forum/smileys/smiley1.gif Your belief controls your thoughts and your thoughts control your actions.

I have found that when you believe in something and have a passion for it you can rise to the occasion everytime.


Warmly,

Jeff and Sandi


Edited by: ChocolateBiz

In addition to the wonderful ideas presented here, I want to suggest another book:

Overcoming Underearning by Barbara Stanny.

Excellent book, and it talks about some of the things discussed here.

HTH

Hi!

I think you need to give yourself longer with a company and try to focus on one company at a time. That will help to make your business better!

Good Luck!

Hey ladies!
I've been MIA for a LONG time! I just checked in briefly today and saw this thread. I think the very first response hit me right on the head. I have competing committments. I have always felt guilty about promoting ANYTHING with so much passion and zeal, etc etc. The only thing I can commit to fully is promoting God. To me personally, He is the only One worthy. So anyway, not trying to push religion on you--just letting everyone know that I finally figured it out.

I haven't been visiting this board for a long time, because I've completely lost my desire for party plans. No one is more surprised than I am!! I still have inventory of UB and NAW to sell so I will still do a party or two yet (LOL). However, my main goal is to find a full time ministry--I'm exploring that now. In the meantime, I've been working two part-time jobs, which work just as well with spending time with my kids as doing parties (who would've thought?)

I miss all you girls and I will stop in from time to time!

Angie

Best of everything in your new pursuit, Angie. You surely will be blessed!





Elsie

Angie! How are you? Missed seeing you on here! Best to you! http://www.wahm.com/forum/smileys/smiley31.gif

I thought it was just ME. http://www.wahm.com/forum/smileys/smiley36.gif These have been excellent posts, and I'm so thankful to the OP for asking the questions. I don't feel so alone now.


Pat

Great post! First time I heard of "competing commitments" - that fits my scenario. Possibly yours too Charlee? As women, we try to make everyone happy and sometimes forget about ourselves. Seeingyou on other posts, I believe that you have all it takes to be successful Charlee - think and be positive!

Jhanna is right on the money with this. I just got back from the DSWA convention and in the leadership portion the keynote was Brian Klemmer. He wrote a book called "If How To's Were Enough, We'd All be Skinny, Rich and Happy" and his presentation was about exactly this. Your TRUE intention will show up in your results. If your results are not what you "want" then look at your intention - maybe you thought it was to make money and be successful, but your TRUE intention was to stay comfortable and not make waves, or maybe it was to not change. In a lot of cases, people's drive to stay comfortable is stronger than their drive to accomplish their goals but once you are aware of this, you can put it in its place and work through it.

One suggestion he has is to make yourself a risky proposition - make a promise to someone that you will do XYZ by a certain date. Then make a way risky consequence for if you do not do it - something you would hate to do like write a check for $1000, or make a fool of yourself in public etc. So maybe promise to someone - out loud and in writing - that you will sell $2000 by end of June and if you don't do it, you will give that person $500 to spend however they wish. Something you would just DIE doing.

I had an epiphany about my weight loss struggles during this class. I have since promised to lose 15 lbs by end of May or I have to cook 3 home cooked meals a day for a month for my husband - I hate cooking!! So now I am more committed to reaching my goal - and fulfilling that promise - than I was to staying in my comfort zone not exercising, eating junk etc. So far it's working!

You can get the book I mentioned at http://www.klemmer.com (http://www.klemmer.com%20) He does 3 hour workshops all around the country for $20, and then intense weekend ones for more - check out the schedule. I am excited since I won his door prize and get to go to one of the personal mastery ones for free! He really opened my eyes to a lot of things, business practices included!

I've done his personal mastery and his compassionate samuri course.
Life changing to say the least. Absolutely life changing.

I'm stoked you're going to his PM. EVERYone should be required to take it. lol...

Great post! First time I heard of "competing commitments" - that fits my scenario. Possibly yours too Charlee? As women, we try to make everyone happy and sometimes forget about ourselves. Seeingyou on other posts, I believe that you have all it takes to be successful Charlee - think and be positive!

Thank you! The thing is when people are having difficulties, they have to look within themself. It's when people try to place the blame on their upline or compnay that irks me. http://www.wahm.com/forum/smileys/smiley2.gif

Jhanna - thanks! I really feel like it's a case of being in the right place at the right time. Not only did I get to hear him, but he is based out of my area AND I won his door prize. I think the universe is telling me something! LOL I've been listening to his CDs and love them too.