WAHM Forums

Ladies,


I am suffering right now. My soul is so heavy, I don't know where else to turn. I need to share this with someone who understands direct sales, but is not immediately connected to my downline or business. I hope this is a safe place to do so.


The relationship I have with my mentor is very unhealthy. It has been from the get go. Something came up over the last two days that was really all I could take. I don't remember the last time a single person was able to make me feel like such a terrible human being as she just has. I have spoken to another Exec who is above her. The other Exec was able to identify and understand that my mentor and I are like oil and water and gave me permission to sever ties with her. With the last little shred of self respect I had left, I emailed my mentor and told her that she needs to let me run my business on my own. I should feel happy that I finally stood up for myself, but I don't.


I feel like something has just died. The potential for having a somewhat normal, healthy relationship is gone. But for more than a year now I've been fooling myself into thinking that some day we could have something normal and healthy, and it just won't change. I didn't know my mentor when I joined. I called the home office and was given her number. I don't want to quit for 6 months, lose my team and start all over just to get another mentor. I do need her out of my life, but I still need a mentor. What do I do?

if her upline said you can sever ties, then speak to her about hooking you up with someone else on her team so that you can get the support you need. That would be ridiculous for you to have to quit and restart!! they would lose you and all that you offer..


contact the co too and see what they will do.. i'm so sorry that you've been so hurt

My director can be so mean at the same time she is being "nice in tone" I know she doesn't mean it like it comes across but she is pushy and doesn't remember it took her 24 years to get where she is and i just started... it seems like alot of uplines forget that...





I am so sorry too..Please know you can come here anytime!! I am sure you will do fine!

Could you get "adopted" by another mentor? Ask the same person that you spoke to if she could be your mentor or if she could suggest someone to you? Don't give up what you love to do. Hang in there - we are here to help!

Unfortunately, this happens, especially when you are "given" your
upline by the company. Choosing a sponsor can be tricky if you don't
have a relationship ahead of time and are therefore, "assigned" to
someone. It sounds like you have done the right thing and in a
professional manner. Again like the others said, contact the Exec above
your mentor and ask her to find another mentor for you to work with or
contact the company and see if there is someone else in your general
area you can be "adopted" by. After all of your hard work and success
the company owes it to you to help you find someone you can work
with.



Whatever you do, don't quit and start over, it's just not worth it. I
did this once in Mary Kay because I didn't like making money for the
person I was under. However, it threw MY whole business off and it took
me awhile to build it back up. Forget about the mentor and just
work your business. I can tell from our message exchanges that you love
what you do. Don't let someone else ruin it for you!


On a light hearted note: Do your business and kindly say "pardon
me, I need to get by" when you are climbing past her on the ladder of
success! smileys/smiley32.gif

Edited by: cvkjafra

Great advice so far........if I can just ad, you do not need to feel bad. In fact, I'm a little worried about you because you are worrying so much about your relationship with this person. Why?! Think about it!


If she treated you in a manner that made you feel less than human, then WHY are you feeling guilty about ending that relationship? You should be rejoicing! This is the beginning of healing for you, and a time to begin to feel better about yourself. It's time to get healthy. No matter who your leader is, or if you do not have one at all, if you can not start to feel good about "you" then you will never be successful at anything.


So go celebrate! Breaking away from unhealthy people has to be a good thing, and a good beginning.

Well said Mellonie.


Just don't respond to her emails or calls.


It is YOUR biz, not hers, and if she can't respect that, she's not going to be around for long anyway.


Best of luck!


Debbie

Leah,


All the advice given so far is awesome. I used to be with AHA, too, so I understand the company, even though my mentor was awesome. I feel completely confident that Becky & Lisa would let you 'switch' mentors or 'adopt' a new mentor. They want you to succeed and the company prides itself on its family atmosphere. The fact that you are so torn up over your mentor isn't good for you, your team or the company. Call the Pro Team and/or talk to one of the Execs. In fact, I'll bet you could email Lisa directly for her advice.


Can you ask to be placed directly under the Executive in your family? I can also recommend my 'old' family to you. They are super supportive. PM me if you want more information on them.


Please don't feel bad for taking care of yourself. You did the right thing and it's not always easy to do that. Keep your chin up.This will blow over soon.smileys/smiley31.gif

Thanks, Kirstin. I still feel physically ill over all of this. I am trying so hard to separate AHA from my mentor right now. I mean, I know that my mentor isn't AHA. Does that make sense? I almost quit AHA. But I need to remind myself that AHA is bigger and better than she is. I bet that Lisa and Becky would both fall over if they knew some of the things my mentor has said to me. The hard part is that my mentor IS my exec. I have another exec in the area. I guess you could say she is my great grandma. She's the one who told me that she trusts and respects me and encouraged me to do what I feel is right. In a way I feel like I am owed an apology. I'll never get one from my mentor and don't know who else to expect one from.


On a side note, did you know that Becky required back surgery yesterday? Apparently she blew a disk and had to be rushed to the hospital.They did the surgery the next day, yesterday. All this during Sister SellABration. We're waiting for an update. Please keep her in your prayers!

Excuse the language but screw your mentor. Sorry,but I couldn't think of another way to put it. If you paid to start your business then it is YOUR BUSINESS and not a job. If your sponsor/mentor/upline isn't helping or is negative than seek the upline above them for guidance. If they are not willing to help then it may be a reflection of that whole organization. Here's a tip; regardless of what company you are with.. train with Dani Johnson, she's the only mentor you need http://danijohnson.com (http://danijohnson.com) (free to join and hours of free training calls) She'll equip you on how to be and stay successful and to also be an awesome leader to your people. I've been to one of her seminars and what I learned there really changed my life and increased my business. I hope this helps!

Leah,


I did hear that Becky was having back problems. I hope she's okay.


I agree that Becky & Lisa would flip if they knew that a mentor was behaving that way. Email Lisa - ask if you can be under the Executive you spoke to who was so encouraging and supportive to you. Do NOT quit if AHA is what you believe in!!!!!!! Don't give your 'mentor' that power over you. It's your business - work it! You don't need her. You can find others in AHA to support you and encourage when you're down. Your mentor isn't AHA and she's not at ALL what AHA stands for. I'm not sure how she's gotten so far up with the attitude it sounds like she has. Does she treat others in her downline the same way?

Kirstin,


I have a bigger team than she does. She's always acted on jealousy. She complains about my "sister's" success to me all the time. She tells me that instead of flaunting her success to her (my mentor) the other HSS should really be picking her up and making her feel better about her own business. What? When I was excited about promoting, she would just cry about why God isn't bringing her this success. When I went to her feeling down and needing a boost, she literally called me the next day and TOLD me that I brought her so far down that she couldn't get out of bed in the morning. Alrighty then. And that was in the early stages. Well before she got to telling me that maybe I shouldn't be a part of AHA at all.

Oh my word!What a smileys/smiley29.gif There is no excuse for that type of 'leader'. Definitely call the home office and see if you can get transferred or 'adopted.' I'm sure they have dealt with this before and have an answer for you. But that situation is not healthy - and you're better than that. Let us know what happens....

You know, I have to add my 2 cents to this. I really don't think this person should be called a "mentor". She's obviously not. If it were me , and I have nothing to do with this company, I would call the company and tell them exactly what's been happening. This person obviously has far reaching problems and while they can't help her with those, she might be doing the same thing to others in her downline (there's a really good chance she is) and they can let her go. This is a serious issue with her and can't be ignored or taken lightly. I think you've done the right thing so far.

Sounds like the woman seriously needs some mental help.

If you succeeding made her not be able to get out of bed in the morning...good grief.



I love my sponsor...she's supportive and caring and excited for my
victories and isn't afraid to be honest about her own business let
downs. Too bad she isn't with AHA, you'd love being under her!!!