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Originally Posted by luchsbuz
Thanks for your supportive comments CarolRoss and it is very true the abuser will try to convince you that you are the one that needs the Counselling as there is nothing wrong with them.* As you continue with your Counselling and emotionally you will be pulling away from your partner;*they can sense this and the abuse will increase and get worse until they are able to truly and honestly admit their problem and being the one abused I'm not sure I would believe it.* Abuse destroys relationships.* * [img]smileys/smiley31.gif[/img]
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SO true!!! 'you are the messed up one' is a common tactic - yes, I got that, too, in many ways. The point you made about 'pulling away' is critical - because nothing else works, even if that just means to remain aloof and give the outward impression that it doesn't bother you (even though of course, it does). That said, this works ONLY along with setting VERY firm boundaries and reinforcing them repeatedly.
I'd like to know how to access the private board for further discussion, think it said to send an IM for that. IM is not something I use, guess I could figure out how it works - already on overload with cyber tools and prefer not to deal with IM if I can avoid it.
By the way, mine moved out last May - on Mother's Day, in fact - that speaks volumes in itself, doesn't it? My kids are handling it all actually better than I'd expected. It's way more peaceful around here now.