posted February 09, 2005 06:50 AM
My youngest, who is 16mths old, is the meanest little one I've ever come across. If she gets upset, which happens about everything, she hits. If the hitting doesn't get her what she wants, then she bites.
My oldest was never like this, when she started hitting we told her no and all was solved. I know that sounds crazy but she was an angel and for the most part still is.
I've tried talking to her (she won't talk, in English anyway, she babbles all the time) but either she doesn't understand or is ignoring us. I've tried swatting her behind (only once each time) and she just cries and hits again. I've tried putting her in the corner, yelling at her, moving her, putting her in her crib, etc and again she just cries and hits more. NOTHING WORKS! I have no idea what else to do and its driving me crazy.
Also, she hardly eats anything and is losing weight. Shes terribly picky about everything and only wants sweet stuff, crackers, or fruit. I thought I had found a couple fool proof things that she would eat but alas, that has failed too. I don't make nasty disgusting food for my kids to eat and then make them eat it, they get what I make and if they don't want to eat, they don't. I refuse to spoil them with making separate meals for all. (Unless its something they can't eat of course) How can I get her to eat more of the good stuff?
posted February 09, 2005 08:18 AM
Is she teething, or sick? I went through this a couple of months ago with my DS (he would have been around 14 or 15 months) - he wouldn't eat anything but yogurt without a fight. Mealtime became a battleground. Eventually I realized that the yogurt was likely the only thing that tasted good to him - he was teething and had a cold. So for about a week he ate nothing but yogurt. We have number of feeding issues with him, but that is due to another problem.
My son is 17 months old now, and I'm guessing that your daughter is probably understanding you, and just ignoring you. We have a bit of a temper problem here too, although he doesn't hit or bite, but he does kick. When he kicks me, I simply hold his leg, and say "no kicking". I don't know whether that really is helping, but I'm hoping if I'm consistent that he will get it over time. If he has a temper tantrum during a meal, I will tell him he has to stay sitting in his high chair for 5 minutes, and I just let him scream (wow, I'm a mean mom) while I do the dishes, or something else in the kitchen. I talk to him telling how much more time, and to let him know I'm still there (he's blind). When the time's up, he either gets to go play, or we finish his meal. So far it's been working, and I haven't had to do that too often. Maybe it's just a stage?
Sorry I haven't been of more help. If I think of something else, I'll post it here.
posted February 10, 2005 07:08 AM
My youngest is almost 16 mths and when she hits I put her hand in mine and I give it a little swat, not enough to hurt but enough to be uncomfortable. Then I say hitting is bad and I rub her hand and say aww aww is good and I give her a hug and a kiss. We have been doing this for a while and now she only hits her sisters when she gets really frustrated but she realizes it right away and rubs her sister and says aww aww then gives them a hug and kiss. Its bad when she hits but soooo funny to see her correcting herself .
I wish I would have done this with the older too cause they are always fighting but as soon as one hits the other I sent them to their room not only because its wrong but I think if the bqby sees it she'll think its ok.
posted February 11, 2005 12:34 PM
IMO, it's ridiculous to hit a child and then tell them not to hit. I do believe in spanking in certain instances, but not when trying to teach them not to hit. My son had a pretty bad hitting problem. I would immediately remove him from the situation, sit him firmly on the ground and hold his hands in mine on the ground. I would tell him "you're sitting here because you hit mommy, you are not allowed to hit." in a firm voice. I was very consistent and even did this in a few parking lots and grocery stores!
I never yelled or spanked him for it. The first time during the day, he would sit for 30 seconds, if he hit again, he would sit for 45 seconds, next 60 seconds. It only took a couple of weeks for him to stop hitting completely.
Keep in mind that what works for one child will not work for the next, and whatever method you choose, consistency is the key.
posted February 15, 2005 07:43 AM
I have also heard that a "time-out" should be equal to the age of the child. For example, a 1-year-old would have 1 minute time out, a 2 year old would have 2 minutes, etc.
Try squeezing the hand (gently - we don't want to hurt them!) with enough pressure to get her attention. Then tell her that "we don't hit", "that hurts Mommy". Let her see you look sad/"cry". Sometimes empathy is a great asset...she won't want to see her Mommy sad.
posted February 16, 2005 09:58 AM
I would be all for the time outs but she refuses to stay put and if I keep putting her back there she screams harder and hits more. Seriously, If were to keep putting her back, how long should I let this go on? I'm all for giving it a shot but she is the type that could do this for literally hours without giving up. And just so you know, I don't go very far away, just a couple steps from her but she comes to me and wants me to hold her. She knows she is in trouble and I'm mad but it doesn't stop her from doing it again. Also, if I act like I'm sad or crying, she finds it funny and does it again. Holding her hand makes her even more mad also and prompts her to hit again and again and again.
I wish SuperNanny would have a child on there around the same age as mine that was just as naughty! LOL
posted February 16, 2005 01:52 PM
Ok, what about a time-out in her playpen? That way, you can walk away knowing she's safe and can't hurt herself, and if she screams for 2 minutes while she's in there, just let her have her tantrum. I'm not saying you haven't tried this type of thing, just hoping I can help! Maybe once she knows that a time-out means that all the screaming in the world won't bring mommy until time-out is over, she may calm down.
Also - I'm not an avid Dr. Phil watcher, but I know that a couple of the shows he's done on kids with "problems" like this have been really good. He has some kind of family book out now that has (from what I heard) a lot of great advice for parents who need help w/ their kids.
posted February 17, 2005 08:50 AM
Tracy, In all the time I spent racking my brain for ideas, putting her in a play pen NEVER occured to me! Even if it takes up extra space we don't really have to lose and is a pain, you are right. She won't be able to get out nor could she hurt herself. I will have to give it a shot but my only fear is that it will become "the bad place" for her and she often uses the play pen when she stays with my mom. I would have to cause any problems in that way and I don't want her to be afraid to be in there.
Laura, I would have asked her ped at her last appt but my husband took her and go figure that he wouldn't have thought to do that. Its his first kid though and since that was the very first time he took her to the doc by himself, its not surprising. I will do that though. I might have to take her back soon because of a cold thats been hanging on for a long time so I will be sure to ask.
quote:Originally posted by april22: Tracy, In all the time I spent racking my brain for ideas, putting her in a play pen NEVER occured to me! Even if it takes up extra space we don't really have to lose and is a pain, you are right. She won't be able to get out nor could she hurt herself. I will have to give it a shot but my only fear is that it will become "the bad place" for her and she often uses the play pen when she stays with my mom. I would have to cause any problems in that way and I don't want her to be afraid to be in there.
Laura, I would have asked her ped at her last appt but my husband took her and go figure that he wouldn't have thought to do that. Its his first kid though and since that was the very first time he took her to the doc by himself, its not surprising. I will do that though. I might have to take her back soon because of a cold thats been hanging on for a long time so I will be sure to ask.
Weeelllll, let's see. I know what you mean about not wanting her to think the playpen is a "bad" place. I would say, even though you can't spare the room, leave it up and put her in it periodically to play or look at books. Even if it's only a few minutes at a time, while your cleaning up, or folding laundry. Have her in the playpen, talk and laugh w/ her while you're doing whatever, then take her out. Then if she has to go in for a time-out, she'll focus more on the time-out than the location. Also, I wouldn't threaten her with the playpen ("stop hitting mommy or I'll put you in the playpen.."). Again, it's not the place, it's the "punishment" that has to be the focus. And I'd check into that Dr. Phil book. I looked it up and it's called "Family First: Your Step by Step Plan for Creating a Phenomenal Family". Like I said, I've never read the book so I don't know if he addresses issues w/ kids this young, but it's on Amazon used for about 13.00.
posted February 20, 2005 12:28 AM
I would definitely talk to your childs doctor and maybe even consider a Psychologist or a Neurologist.. I had similar experiences when my daughter was younger. Anyway to make a long story short.. My daughter has an Autism Spectrum Disorder and would become "Mean" and act out because #1. A lot of times we couldn't understand what she wanted and #2. She was and is sensitive to some smells, materials, lights and noises.. Things that don't bother us.. were painful to her.
Not saying this is what is going on with your child.. but its better to have it checked out, although 16 months may be a little young for a proper diagnosis of anything.. it may be a good idea to have her behavior looked into.. It could be nothing.. or something could really be wrong.
posted February 24, 2005 08:09 AM
Alright, so we've been trying the time out in the playpen thing since it was mentioned. I know it hasn't been very long but its so frustrating! I haven't seen even the slightest change in her at all. In fact, it seems as if she's gotten worse!
Yesterday for example. She climbed into her high chair, which is next to the dining table and then got on the table and got a hold of a marker. So I took her down, told her no and that she can't be doing that blah blah blah, and set her back on the floor. Not 2 seconds later and she was back up there doing it again. So this time I took her down, told her what she did wrong, and put her in the playpen. Well, you know she didn't like it and was crying and what not. I gave her 1 minute and took her out. Set her in the floor and had her look at me and once again I explained and even pointed at the table, told her no, gave her hug and kiss and let her go. She did it again, and again and again! We went through this for like 30 minutes and thankfully then it was nap time. But it still didn't stop her. After her nap she did it a couple more times and then went else to wreak havoc in the living room! I swear she never gives up! LOL Today, she tried getting back on the table by way of her high chair so I moved her high chair away from the table. We've already had to remove all the chairs when we aren't using them so now she can't get on the table but other places in the house are vulerable! Not the the house isn't child proof because it is but you really can't put everything out of her reach. I have one hardheaded child! LOL
And I forgot to say that she isn't biting or hitting as much but the other day I was playing with the dog in the floor and she came up behind me and bit me in the side! I had forgotten just how bad those razor sharp teeth hurt. Little stinker!
[This message has been edited by april22 (edited February 24, 2005).]
posted February 24, 2005 10:17 AM
Wow. You do have quite a persistent daughter. I have an 18 month old, and I know I have to repeat things a lot with him. I think some of it has to do with attention span, and also that cognitively he isn't at a point where long explanations will help him. As frustrating as it gets, I think you just need to continue what you're doing. She's persistent, and it sounds like when there is something she wants little will deter her from it. My son gets that way sometimes, and I just have to continue stopping him each time he does it. Thankfully, most of the time I can distract with something else.
Has she just recently discovered she can "climb"? Is there perhaps somewhere you can set up a safe place for her to climb? Maybe a spare table and some chairs, and place cushions all around to cushion her should she fall. This may fulfill her need to climb, and at the same time she may learn the consequences of climbing (falling) without hurting herself too much. And I have been discovering that my son hurting himself a bit teaches him far more than I can by explaining. For example, he has had this habit since about 8 or 9 months of age of throwing himself backward to lie down from sitting. If I wasn't on the floor with him, I would put a pillow behind him. Well, he soon found it fun, so I had to start using a blanket instead. Well, eventually we stopped using a blanket, and just let him throw himself back onto the bare carpet. Surprisingly, he never cries when he does this, but it did let him know that it wasn't comfortable doing that. He still tends to lie down this way, but he now is more controlled with it, and catches himself on his elbows. It was hard taking the pillow away the first few times, but I knew my explanations were not making a difference, and he wasn't realizing the "danger." Not that I condone intentionally hurting our children, but sometimes a little pain can teach far more than our punishments or lectures can. I hope this helps.
posted March 02, 2005 07:00 AM
One of my boys was very persistent. I thought I'd go crazy with all the repitition. He could remember what he wanted for along time. It was hard, but just stick with it. My son turned five and mellowed out so much. He is now really intelligent and learns easily. Things will get better if you can remain consistent.
I would also like to point out that another of my boys and my daughter get very mean when they don't feel well. They just do. I would reccomend getting her checked out and make sure she is healthy. As for her poor diet, well that could make things worse. If she is craving sweets that could be a blood/sugar issue. After a DR visit I would rid the house of sweets and only have healthy food. One of my kids lived off of peanut butter sandwiches for a time, after he ate a bit of the green stuff. Set some simple rules for eating then stick to them. Don't let her begin life only eating junk. She may grow out of being a picky eater, mine did. But I always had them taste food.
posted March 02, 2005 07:19 AM
Oh trust me, she doesn't get alot of sweets. Neither of my kids do. For the longest time she lived off of graham crackers and fruit. It wasn't the best thing for her but it was better than anything else I could get her to eat and the doctor was ok with that. I try to get her to taste stuff but it doesn't make it far in her mouth before she is spitting it back out. I'm really wondering if it isn't the texture of some foods that she dislikes rather than the taste. She loves ketchup, ranch dressing, and barbecue sauce though! LOL I will just keep doing what I have been doing and giving her food and having her try it. If she doesn't eat then she doesn't eat. I don't want her to think that if she doesn't eat whats good for her she will automatically get something she wants and likes. Thanks for all the advice everyone. BTW, I did ask her ped about her "attitude" and she said its actually pretty normal. And she is healthy other than a cold that nobody around here can get rid of. Nothing major.
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posted February 09, 2005 06:50 AM
