Coaching Your Daughter on the Quest
for Good Grades
by V. Michael Santoro
It is important that as a dad, you create a flexible
environment that supports your daughter, and provides her with the
opportunity to grow into a self-reliant young woman. As a teenager,
she will think at times that she has all the answers, and not need
you. However, she will be happy to have you as a "safety net"
when she realizes she does not have all the answers. This can include
how well she is doing in school.
Obviously grades are important but sometimes the
quest for good grades can become an obsession, or not taken seriously
enough. As parents, we can fall into the common trap of measuring
our child’s success solely on grades alone.
Rising to her full potential
What can help is to set the expectation that it is more important
to understand what she is learning, as well as rising to her full
potential, as opposed to just getting good grades. Grades are not
necessarily a true indicator of knowledge acquired. Stress that what
she retains and applies, is more important than just obtaining a good
grade. She needs to have balance.
Building her confidence level
It is also important to keep her confidence level high. That is, raise
or lower the performance bar as necessary, depending upon her abilities
and things that may be impacting her life at the time. For example,
your daughter may want to achieve a certain grade point average, but
is struggling with her Chemistry class. No matter how hard she studies,
her grades will vary from a C+ to a B. You may need to coach her that
if she is working to her potential in Chemistry, then that is really
good. That trying to study harder under those conditions will only
cause her stress that may impact her other classes, and/or her quality
of life.
The best thing to do may be to strategize what she
can do in her other courses to accomplish her goal. Have her discuss
her concerns and alternatives with her teacher and/or Guidance Counselor.
Once she has the information, talk it through with her and allow her
to make her own decision about the best way for her to proceed. This
approach will allow her to be proactive instead of reactive. Also,
by discussing issues with the appropriate people, she will feel more
in control and will discover her alternatives and how to better solve
her problems as they arise.
However if there are no alternatives, then encourage
her to accept that she is doing her best because she is working to
her potential. Reinforce that it is more important that she understand
and apply what she has learned, than to try fruitlessly to improve
a grade.
Summary
The best way to coach your daughter with her schoolwork is to understand:
What are her strengths and areas for improvement
That her progress needs to be monitored; and she
needs to be involved in making decisions about how she can improve
her performance, and achieve her goals.
It is important to learn to discuss a potential problem,
and determine solutions as opposed to getting stressed out after the
fact.
That your daughter needs to understand, and accept
that working to her potential; and understanding what she learns is
more important than just trying to get a better grade.
It is vital that your daughter realizes that you
don’t judge her by grades alone, and that you value her motivation
to improve. If she feels that she can discuss how she is doing, and
that you will support her if she is making a sound decision for the
right reasons; then you are well on your way to becoming best friends
with a solid relationship.
Copyright 2004, by V. Michael Santoro
and Jennifer S. Santoro, All Rights Reserved.
V. Michael Santoro coauthored, "Realizing the Power of Love,"
How a father and teenage daughter became best friends...and how you
can too, with his teenage daughter Jennifer S. Santoro, PublishAmerica,
ISBN: 1-4137-1510-9; $19.95;
For more information visit their Web site at http://www.dads-daughters.com
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