|
A Single Mom's Mother's Day Survival
Kit
by Catie Hayes, editor of WomanLinks.com
In a perfect world, motherhood would be universally valued, the phrase
'just a mom' would not exist, and all mothers would be acknowledged
on Mother's Day. Also in a perfect world, I'd have glimmering fairy
wings, a sparkling crown of early morning dew, and would never have
to clean a litter box. That's another story entirely, though.
Most women were raised to not plainly ask for something, to think
of others first, to be polite, to be (gasp) nice. Now this baggage,
coupled with the realities of single motherhood makes a rather uncomfortable
situation. The reality is that we all want to be acknowledged. It
just feels good to receive validation. Single parenthood, by definition,
however, means you are the sole adult responsible for younger creatures
devoid of the awareness of others. Kids, especially younger ones,
though miraculous and occasionally perplexing, do not innately think
'what can I do to show my appreciation to others'. One of the responsibilities
of parenting is to guide children to consider their relationship
with others and the world around them. Ideally, in a two-parent
family, the Dad would step up to this duty on Mother's Day as the
Mom would on Father's Day, out of respect for each other, as well
as modeling values to the children. So what happens when your family
isn't the ideal Ward and June Cleaver variety? What happens when
you're the only one modeling respect to the kids?
There are two ways it can go here, single moms can either grin
and bear it or stop being nice and call for a reality check. Think
about it women, haven't we all grinned and bore enough? In my own
case, even when I was married, any recognition was of the last minute
I better buy something, anything....honest to God
it doesn't matter what variety, when a simple,
heart-felt 'thank you' would have been more than enough. Now that
I'm on my own, even that is gone. I will continue to make sure my
kids mark special occasions for the father, out of respect for that
role, but I've given up hope that the same courtesy will ever be
returned. It's no surprise really, it's right in the 'Single Moms
Guidebook to Reality'...
You want something done, assume 'The Buck Stops Here' as
your mantra, and just do it yourself
So how to build the kind of Mother's Day where an already overburdened
Mom feels acknowledged, the kids don't feel guilty they couldn't
do anything for Mom, and the bank account does not turn a nasty
shade of red? Personally, I recommend referring to another rule
from the 'Single Moms Guidebook to Reality'...
The old rules have little to do with you now. Build new
ones
Some of my personal favorites include :
-
enlist the help of girlfriends, sisters, neighbors,
parents (can you help Joey make a card/bake some cookies/pick
out a small gift?)
-
tell the kids you as a family are going out
to dinner/to the park/to a movie to celebrate Mother's Day (sure,
you foot the bill, but you model self-respect to the kids, say
what you need, and get an outing in one fell swoop)
-
arrange a plant swap with friends. (a cost-free
way to repopulate your garden and build something of beauty for
yourself)
-
enlist the kids' help in making pampering things
for you. (check out Pampering Tips and Recipes at OldFashionedLiving.com
for great ideas.)
-
use the few bucks you save on not buying junk
food for a week and spend it one something frivolous just to give
yourself pleasure (a few bottles of nail polish, a bouquet of
flowers, a journal, new writing paper, a shade of lipstick your
mother would never let you wear, the raciest pair of panties you
can find)
So, to my fellow single Moms, a gentle reminder accompanied by my
deepest respect and admiration.....We are all doing the most significant
thing possible with our lives, we protect and nurture the future with
a solitary pair of hands. It doesn't matter if society in general
considers motherhood brainless work. It doesn't matter whether or
not our exes pull their share of the parenting load. It doesn't matter
that it feels hard and embarrassing to have to ask for help.
What matters most, women, is that WE ROCK. No matter what kind
of garbage is tossed our way, if we expect respect from the world,
we have to give it to ourselves first.
blessings,
Catie
Copyright 2004 WomanLinks.com
Catie Hayes is founder/editor of WomanLinks.com;
a community of support, spirituality, growth and empowerment for
women. She is a freelance writer, the single home schooling mom
of two, and an avid fan of laughter, spontaneous dancing, cats and
chocolate (not necessarily in that order).
|
