Do Your Kids Listen to You?
by Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC
There are times when every parent feels as if they might as well
be talking to a block of wood. As with many other things, the harder
you try to get your kids to listen, the more resistance you get.
Here are ten things to consider when you want to get a message across:
Make sure your relationship is solid.
If your kids don't like you, they're a lot less likely to listen
to you.
Remember that actions speak louder
than words. If your kids know that what you say won't
be backed up with action, they'll more easily tune you out. Having
natural consequences for not listening (toys disappear if kids
don't listen and they're not picked up)has a way of having kids
pay better attention.
Talk about listening to them.
Make it a point to occasionally discuss the importance of listening
when your kids are receptive. Talk about how nice it feels when
someone else listens to you completely and what a great quality
this is.
Have a sense of timing when you talk
to your kids. Don't expect them to listen well when they're
in the middle of something, when they're extremely tired, or when
they're hungry. Find a time when they're fairly relaxed and you
have their full attention.
Model great listening yourself.
Give them your absolute attention when they speak to you and try
to reflect back what you heard. This shows them how focused you
were on what they were saying.
Each child listens in a unique way,
get to know their preferred style. Your child may be
a kinesthetic learner who listens and understands by writing something
down or by walking through something. Find the way to reach your
child in the way that works best.
Avoid lectures. Many parents
have a lecturing style that they're unaware of. Their kids are
very aware of this style, however, and tune them out. Speak in
a casual and pleasant tone that you would use when talking with
a friend.
Limit their TV watching.
Kids who watch a lot of TV tend to be more easily distracted and
have a more difficult time listening. This may also help to improve
your relationship when you spend more time with your kids!
Talk to your kids in a non-judgmental
way. The more they feel judged by you, the more shame
they'll feel and the less they'll hear. See your kids as great
and they'll listen as though they are!
Be genuinely interested in your children's
lives. Ask them curious questions about what's they're
experiencing. When your kids know that you have a real interest
in their life, they're more likely to look forward to what you
have to say.
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, is the author of "25 Secrets
of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers" http://www.markbrandenburg.com/father.htm
For more great tips and action steps for fathers, sign up for his
FREE bi-weekly newsletter, "Dads, Don't Fix Your Kids,"
at http://www.markbrandenburg.com
